Can You Be Real?

Jas calls and says he’s on his way over. I feel like I could throw up. I never get nervous. I don’t know what to expect. I’m not sure how to feel.

He gets out of the car and we lit up when we saw each other. We sat down on the couch, in front of the Christmas tree and talked for hours. He kept staring at me and telling me how beautiful I was and how much he thought about me and couldn't forget my eyes. He kept looking into my eyes and smiling and telling me how much he missed me, how he was trying to explain my eyes to his friends but couldn't do them justice and had a picture of them in his mind since the last time he saw me.

We talked about the night and his friend who died and how close they were. Jas didn't get to go to the funeral because he was still in the hospital. It broke my heart to hear him speak about his friend’s family (who lives next door to his) and how much he misses him. I told him how sorry I was for the way I acted and he said that he wasn't mad at me when I showed up with MOB. He said he didn't like it but he said he knew in his heart things were going to work out between us and that it was just a matter of time. The entire time we were talking he kept tracing his fingers over my hand and playing with my hair.

Then he told me that one of the last things he remembered seeing was my face. I told him I was standing by him until they made me leave. I didn't think he knew that because he was in and out of consciousness but he said, "I know. You were on my right side and you were crying." And I was. The way he was looking at me, I started crying again. Not sobbing or anything but I had tears running down my face and I couldn't stop. I kept saying how sorry I was and he said that he wasn't. He’d do the whole night over again. And he wiped away my tears and kissed each of my cheeks and told me it was okay now. That everything was gonna be okay now. And I believed him. We held hands and smiled and talked and kissed and caught up. We made plans to spend all day Saturday and Sunday together. He wants to go to the beach tomorrow night.

It was so surreal. Like sitting there with a ghost. He kept kissing my hand and touching my face and said "I’m making sure you're really here." and that's the same way I felt. I can’t believe I almost lost this guy for MOB. As it got later and later I knew I had to go to sleep but I didn’t want him to go. We said goodbye about a hundred times but neither of us moved towards the door. Finally, with one more kiss and a hug, he walked out to his car and I went to bed. I laid down at 1 AM and was still smiling when I woke up hours later.