The Curse

Von accidentally called me tonight. Odd mix up, I realize. We chatted for awhile and I thought, ask him. He's the best source you have. Maybe he can explain your curse. "why is it so easy to fall in love with me and so hard to stay in love with me?" point blank, balls to the wall. he didn't seem to know how to react. i realize it might seem odd to ask him that but i really want to know and i figured, who better to ask than the man who shattered my heart? he fell in love with me and he fell out. he's a good resource. see i have this curse where people tend to fall in love with me, fast, too fast. how do i slow that down? i have no idea. most people think that would be a good thing but the problem is, it never lasts. they never stay in love with me. i'm the frickin houdini of making people fall in love with me. i wish i could just find one to stay that way.

so what was his answer? you're too nice. really? that's all you got? how jacked up is that? is it true then, nice guys finish last? men would rather be with some raving bitch than someone who will love them and sacrifice everything for them. seems odd. yet, it seems to be the truth. how do i change this? how do i act like someone i'm not? how do i break the pattern? it's like an abusive relationship and i'm doing it to myself. if only i could be that girl. demand too much. yell a little more. maybe throw a pan or two at his head when he pisses me off. why must i believe in communication and being adult? why don't i just throw a tantrum when i don't get my way? is that what men really want? is it really possible that i won't find true love, that will last, until i change the way i love? i'm not sure i can do that. i don't think that i want to. i wouldn't want someone to treat me like that. i don't think i could live with myself if i was that girl. and i guess being who i am and alone is more important to me than trying to be someone that i'm not just so they will stay.