A Mother Just Knows

Von and I have discussed numerous times the way his family felt about his soon-to-be-ex-wife, Bitch. No one liked her. Every person I’ve met from his past has congratulated him on “finally leaving that crazy bitch”. His family refused to go to his wedding. The first time his mother met her she looked at Von and said “I don’t like this bitch. Get her out of my house.” Now is not the time to dwell on the fact that he married her anyway and fell for her little traps. Let’s just focus on the fact that his mother actually has never liked a single one of his girlfriends. In the 13 years he’s been dating she approved of one. This little fact terrifies me and he knows it. He tells me she’ll love me because she’ll know how happy I make him. I tell him I shall delay our meeting as long as possible. And I’m not kidding. This should be easy. She lives across the country and doesn’t like to travel. I’m in the clear. If there’s one thing I’m scared of ruining this wonderful fairytale Von and I have going on, it’s mama. I can woo the boys. They’re young and don’t know any better but mama, lord oh lord, mama could really mess this up. After the fiasco of a life he had with Bitch, he’s not going to ignore mama’s warnings again.

We finally get up and go downstairs and begin whipping up a late morning breakfast feast. As I’m preparing the hashbrowns his phone rings. I hear him say “hey mom”. I smile, assuring him that I have the cooking under control and he goes outside to talk for a little while. After about 10 minutes he returns and hands me the phone.

Me in a harsh whisper: Who is it?
Von: My mom. She wants to talk to you.
Me: Hell no!
Von: C’mon.
Me: No!

I begin running around the kitchen in circles. He chases me, holding the phone out. He catches me and sees the fear in my eyes.

Von: Please?
Me: But I’m scared of her.
Von: It’ll be fine. Please.

I take a deep breath and take the phone. I’m nervous at first but she’s pretty cool. A straight shooter who doesn’t bullshit about much of anything but it’s oddly refreshing. I hold my own okay. Twenty minutes later she’s telling me she hopes I can come out and visit next time Von goes to see her. I am flattered by her offer and tell her I’ll be sure to come with him. She also makes it very clear that she despises Bitch and everything about her. At least I have that going for me. I’d have to do something pretty evil to ever compare to the foul crap that Bitch has pulled on Von. Mama asks to talk to Von again. I put him on the phone and he steps into the living room. I hear him say goodbye and take a very deep breath. I walk in and look at him. He says, “I have to sit down.” Oh shit. She hates me! I knew it! Damn, damn, crap! How am I gonna fix this? “Are you okay?” I ask. “Did she say something bad about me?” Von shakes his head. “She said that you’re a keeper and not to let you get away.” I find myself having to sit down too. “Wow.” He takes my hand. “Yeah, wow.” I smell the bacon burning.

After breakfast we head to the store so that he can do some fix-it stuff around the house and in NYC and Teach’s bathroom. We grab the parts we need, peruse the appliances aisle and debate which refrigerator we would want. In line for the check-out I spot one of those dream houses books. I pick it up and we start flipping through. We decide to buy it.

Once we get home and he’s done playing Tim The Tool Man Taylor we lie on my bed and break out the dream house book. We have almost the exact same taste in houses. We both wrinkle our noses at some and drool over the others. We look and look and talk like “well, we could add a hot tub back here.” And “that could be the game room with the pool table.” It’s fun. We find a doozy of a house. Mansion really. And we both instantly know it’s for us.

Von: That’s the one.
Me: It’s gorgeous.
Von: It’s perfect for us. The boys can each have their own room. This will be your office and this can be for our little girl.

I stop.

Me: I thought you said you didn’t want any more kids?
Von: I thought you said you wanted a girl.
Me: Well yeah, but…
Von: Then we will have a beautiful little girl.

I smile.

Von: Have you named her yet?
Me: Alexis.
Von: What about a middle name?Me: I hadn’t even picked a father for her. Figured I’d save the middle name until she was real.
Von: What about Destiny?
Me: Alexis Destiny?
Von: Yeah. What do you think?
Me: I think I’ll spend the rest of my life wondering what I ever did to deserve you.

I cry. He holds me. I want so badly to tell him I love him. I want him to know that I don’t care how fast it seems like we’re going, I’ve never been so sure of anything in my entire life. I want to explode with happiness but I can’t stop crying. And he just rocks me in his arms.