There's A Stone Tablet of Commandments Chasing Me Down That Hill I Was Rolling On

Q texts me first thing this morning. I don't respond. He sends me another one an hour later asking how my day is. I say fine and don't ask about his.
Q: Do you miss me?
Me: That's irrelevant.
Q: I miss you too.

This annoys me. I never said I missed him.

Me: I'm not the kind of girl that will put up with your shit over and over. Sorry. You didn't even try to call me and work things out. That tells me how much I mean to you, ass. I require more effort than texts.

Q: I didn't even know if you would talk to me.
Me: Well you would've tried if you cared.
Q: Are you going to talk to me now?

He begs me to call him later and just "hear him out". MNS starts texting me and my interest in this conversation with Q is gone. A few quick texts and MNS asks if I can get online and IM.

Ok, a lot of this I have to edit for R rated content. I will just put other crap in those areas so you don't have to read the explicit parts.

MNS: Hows work going?
MNS: not talking
Me: sorry. was away from my desk. what's up hot stuff?
Me: now who's not talking? am i on punishment for not being at my desk? you should probably spank me for that. lol.
MNS: I waited you didn't answer so I had some stuff to do.
Me: how's your day going?
MNS: ok not to bad. What about you?
Me: it's ok. nothing too crazy.
MNS: glad to hear that.
Me: did you wanna come over after ball tonight? or are you thinking maybe try for later in the week or something?
MNS: don't know yet
Me: can you tell i'm horny out of my mind?
MNS: me toooo!
Me: i hope you are.
MNS: why wouldn't I be?
Me: i dunno. it's just taking awhile for us to get this together. i'm just glad to hear you're horny. so many thoughts in my head, so little time.
MNS: I know it's just that I have a lot of stuff to get figured out and some things are complicated and I really don't want to get you involved. Know what I mean?
Me: no. i will just take your word for it. anything i can help with? i would like to think i could make it a little better. whatever you think is best, i guess. all i can do is trust you. and hope that you get so horny you can't stand it and cave soon.
MNS: I am sure you could make it better. I just don't want you to be in a position you don't want to be in. I don’t mean sexually tho. There are lots of positions I would like to get you in sexually. :)
Me: ok. you're making me wonder what the heck is going on now. is it four wives? the mob? you're in the FBI? wait...how do you know what kind of position i want to be in if you don't give me the option? i may surprise you. jk. as far as sexually, there will be MANY positions for us. many, many, many happy little positions.
MNS: It's nothing absolutely crazy so don't think that. I just have some crazy shit going on in my life right now and I really hate it. Actually that’s why I like talking to you so much cause you make me feel better about a lot of things. I do want to meet up and have some great fun cause I know it would be. You make me happy.
Me: you'd be amazed how much crazy i've seen/done and been involved in so i just wanted you to know that very little surprises me. well, i'm glad you like talking to me. you make my days better too. and i look forward to humping your brains out someday.
MNS: Yes but when we begin talking a long time ago you made some things clear and I am not going to go against that. I won't put you in that spot. Someday soon cause I really want to taste every inch of you. BLAH BLAH BLAH R RATED
Me: made some things clear? what are you talking about? that can only be that i don't share well and you have someone else. awesome. :( well, kick that bitch to the curb so that i can blow your mind and make you realize you have never met another woman like me before. BLAH BLAH BLAH R RATED
MNS: BLAH BLAH BLAH R RATED
Me: BLAH BLAH BLAH R RATED
MNS: well then we are going to need to get started very, very soon.
Me: waiting on you buddy, waiting on you. let me know when you get rid of her and i'm ready to rock. or maybe you need me to convince you to get rid of her. lol.
MNS: Well now that you mention it some convincing might be good. It may be just what I need. I haven't had a really good time in a very long time and I know you’re just the one to show me. Wish we could get down right now, with all this talk I'm ready to do some damage to you. You amaze me everyday and I want to amaze you back.
Me: i'm pretty sure i could talk you into just about anything. i'm a very convincing woman. i'm sorry to hear you haven't had a really good time in a very long time. seems like a lot of time you've been wasting when you could've been with me.
MNS: I agree with you 100% !!!!! I bet you are very convincing. Believe me I am ready to stop wasting time. And yes I am sure you could talk me into anything.
Me: i could and i'm ready to. i can be the rock you need that rocks your world. i have no problem with that. of course, you have to promise not to get too addicted to the crack and thinking about slipping it in me 24/7. you still have to work and play your sports. i can't have you falling apart cuz you're trying to get in my shit. have to keep you in line. LOL. BLAH BLAH BLAH R RATED
MNS: BLAH BLAH BLAH R RATED I want to get started right now cause I got something here for you. lol I'm about ready to explode right now.
Me: don't do that. i told you that you have to save it for me to have. BLAH BLAH BLAH R RATED you wanna get started right now? come over after basketball tonight. double dog dare ya. oh yeah, i went there. lol.
Me: see, you got nothing!! lol. BLAH BLAH BLAH R RATED
MNS: How about we go in the morning? We can start the day off with a bang. Literally. BLAH BLAH BLAH R RATED
Me: the morning would probably work. tonight would be better tho. BLAH BLAH BLAH R RATED
MNS: Your lucky you work in WDM other wise I would MAKE go home for lunch and I would meet you there and put a quickie on you cause I am going crazy right now. I am positive that once I am in you I won't want to be anywhere else. I can't wait. We've been waiting way too long.
Me: That sounds divine to me. I'm glad it's driving you crazy just talking about it. Makes you more curious what the real thing is gonna feel like. All you know is it's gonna be good but you have no idea how good.
MNS: I don't till tomorrow morning. Gotta go do some work. if your on this afternoon I will talk to you then. May have to relieve myself cause I can't walk around like this all day. lol
Me: text me when you want me to get back online. BLAH BLAH BLAH R RATED too bad you can't meet me for lunch and take care of that.
MNS: oh if we could I would bring it to you to take care of. Thats the kind of team player I need. BLAH BLAH BLAH R RATED it's going to be great.
Me: BLAH BLAH BLAH R RATED. miss me...
MNS: I already miss you. talk to you soon sexy!!
Me: bye babe.

I have to take a minute to take this all in. I'm re-reading the words and Apprentice walks up to my desk. "What are you all smiles about?" I roll my eyes at her. "I'm not smiling." She laughs and says "You SO are!" Ok, so I am smiling. I love talking to him. This is not a secret to anyone. It may not make sense to others but something about him ignites things in me. I don't know why. It seems wrong on many levels, I'm sure. I can't believe I told him I could convince him to leave her. That is against everything I've ever stood for. Part of me thinks it's okay because it isn't real and I will never have the opportunity to be with him like that. Although thinking it and acting on it are sometimes equally guilty actions.
So here's my dilemna. How can I kick Q to the curb for having someone and not cut MNS loose as well? In fact, actually encourage MNS to come be with me even though I know he has someone? There are a couple different things I need to address here. First of all, Q lied, repeatedly to me and we were involved emotionally and physically. MNS and I have never even met because he's been trying to "tie up some loose ends". Had I known from day one that MNS had someone else I never would've pursued it. By the time I started suspecting it, I was already in too deep. The fact that he hasn't come through on his promises to be with me pisses me off daily, but in a REALLY twisted way, I am happy that he doesn't want to put me in that position and wants to be free of her before he's with me. Although I don't think it should take this long if he really wants it to be over with her. Then again, I don't know all the details. I hope to soon though.

I am admitting, as terrible as it is, that if MNS showed up at my door right now there would not be a thought in my head that us being together is wrong or we should stop until he has a clean slate. I'm not going to lie to myself or anyone else. There's no point. Anyone that knows the MNS saga knows that I have to have this. Be it tomorrow or next year. I will not rest until I have some kind of closure with him. I must see him once, no matter the price, to know he is real and I didn't dream him up.

I am smart enough to realize though that this will not go unpunished. Like I told Q last night. Actions have consequences. You have to make choices. I know being with MNS will have consequences. I can dream they will be wonderful and sweet and that he will be everything I pray he could be and we will live happily ever after but unfortunately, I am a realist. I fear that being with him will be terrible and feel wrong and I will be overcome with guilt or disappointment. The minute we cross that line, all dreams and illusions we've been living in and the pedestal I have him on will crash. At this moment, I'm pretty sure God will make sure of that. It will be my penance. The careful what you wish for and never be the bitch that tries to break up a happy home bitch-slap from God. That will be just peachy. Can't wait.