closure

i guess i wanted some closure.
isn't that fair after all that you did?
shouldn't i get a chance to tell you just how angry i was?
two days in a room with no windows, just the sound of my voice
and the rage in my eyes.
i wanted you to cry like i did, for days and for months,
each day being a struggle to face alone.
i wanted you to have your heart ripped out and hung from the raftors,
dripping slowly until it beat black and died, while everyone watched.
i wanted you to know the pain of loss.
i wanted to rip away your dreams.
i wanted you to feel...just one more time...to feel something towards me.
but you hid, like a coward, knowing you did wrong.
unable to face the demolition you caused
not just to me, but to all that loved you.
you ran and i couldn't chase you anymore.
i realized, you were not worth the fight.
i knew i would never forgive you.
have i forgiven you know?
or is it just that i don't care anymore?
not to be mistaken for weakness on my part.
i could never forget, but perhaps that's not a bad thing.
i will forever be on my toes now.
if this was a battle, i don't want to be the victor.
that would mean someone else would go through what i did
and i don't wish that upon anyone.
even you.
and then you call, out of nowhere, to see how i am.
what did you expect me to say?
why is it that i didn't release the wrath upon you
like i had dreamt of doing so many times before?
because something in your voice wasn't right.
you were only the man that hurt me.
you were not the man i once loved.
and there was nothing left for me to get off my chest.
as much as it nearly broke me at the time, i know i'm better off without you.
you always said you didn't deserve me.
i think that was the one thing you were honest about.
it took me a long time to realize that.
but hearing your voice the other day did nothing.
i wasn't happy, i wasn't sad, i wasn't angry.
it's odd to say, but you're nothing to me now.
just a memory that seems distant and surreal.
although anti-climatic and lacking the revenge i thought i desired,
i finally have my closure.