Could I be anymore livid? I think not!

APRIL 23rd

I go home and I'm a wreck. I try calling his phone but it is conveniently off, like so many times before. I decide that we'll do this over email. Writing is my forte and then I can make sure I don't miss saying anything hurtful and mean that I might forget in the heat of a verbal arguement. I pour out my heart. I tell him how much he hurt me. How he made me a fool. How I trusted him and he was a liar and a jerk and that his secret girlfriend hoped he had a wonderful life with his secret wife and son. It's long. I mean, LONG. If I printed it out it probably would've been four pages. I don't expect a response. He's never been one to step up to the plate when the heat was on. This was it. The ride was over. Better to know now though, right? I didn't need that kind of crap in my life anyway. It sucked but it was life and I had been through worse.

But he did reply. And he actually laughed at me. Oh yeah, you read it right. He laughed at me. "Wow, baby. I don't know who you thought you saw but it wasn't me. I don't have a wife. I didn't even make it to bowling until the 2nd game. I was stuck at work." Whatever buddy. So you weren't there in a yellow work shirt and you didn't see me? He says we don't have yellow work shirts. I said I saw the flag on the back! He says you saw this company didn't you? I thought for a second. Shitballs! I'm starting to get confused. I'm starting to second guess myself. Ugh! Why can't I have a photographic memory instead of being smart and sexy? What is this curse upon me? I tell him to stop trying to confuse me. He says "I think I know who you are talking about that you think was me. He's not light skinned babe. Do you even know what A-Rod looks like?" He ends this with a smiley face. I write back that YES, I know what A-Rod looks like. And he says then you know that wasn't me. You know I would never do that to you. At this point I don't even know my own head from my ass. I try to explain to him what it feels like somedays to be me and I wonder what I've done wrong or what he's hiding that he keeps postponing our meeting. He says we will meet when the time is right. He has some loose ends to tie up and he wants things to be perfect when we get together. I warn him that being busy is life and there will always be something to distract him from focusing on us. He says he will try harder. I tell him he's skating on very thin ice and I have little to no patience left. He promises me that believing in him and us is something that I will never regret. On the way home I see someone from his work, it is a different flag and the shirts are green, not yellow. I had the wrong guy. I choke down his lines like rotten meat and start googling to see if there are any five star insane asylums in the area. I'm pretty sure they're going to give me the penthouse suite by the time this is over.