Manic Monday

So Sunday night I chatted online with Pella a little while. I agreed to possibly go out to dinner with him Wednesday night. Spent most of the night chatting with Mason. He's pretty much hilarious and our humor and sarcasm compliment each other nicely. I'm really starting to like the idea of him being two hours away. It takes a lot of the pressure to meet or date or move to fast away. I enjoy talking to him quite a bit.

I wake up kinda sleepy Monday morning from being up late and chatting with Mason. It's a gloomy morning and I head in to work. As I'm walking up to my building from the parking lot I see a guy in a truck staring at me. I look and think that's the guy I met last week (it obviously didn't pan out). It's cold so I keep going, thinking I must be mistaken. When I get up to my office I have a voicemail from him and a text. I'm kinda creeped out. Ask him what he was doing downtown. He avoids the question and texts me back that he knew it was me and is super excited. I can't handle another stalker. I politely tell him he creeped me out and to leave me alone. Ewww.

A couple texts from Mason and Vanilla throughout the day. Mason and I joke about it being Monday and what could possibly go wrong. Sometimes I jinx myself. At lunch I see an all too familiar face. Not I swear on my grandma's life sure of it but I'm 99.9% sure I saw Von. It was a little surreal. He stared at me. I stared at him. And then I just walked away. If it wasn't him, it was his identical evil twin! It shook me up a little bit. I wonder when this feeling of wanting to kick him in the face will ever go away. Will it every subside? I'm over him but I'm not sure I'll ever be over the pain he caused me and my family. And for that, I want to roundhouse kick him in the chops repeatedly.

So my day is already a little shaky when I get a text from Mob's brother that he's out of the hospital. WTF are you talking about? He says he texted me Friday. Mob was stabbed Thursday night. I text Mob to find out what was going on. He proceeds to tell me his baby mama's twin stabbed him. Or as he says "the dumb bitch tried to assasinate me!" Oh Mob, what a tangled web you weave. Keep me posted but keep your distance please. I love you but I'm so glad you're 2000 miles away.

After lunch I reflect on the happenings of the day this far. I try Mr. No Show's phone. It's still off. As it has been for the last 20 days. I decide it's time to get some closure. I write him an email. It's sweet and short and to the point. I tell him I'm going to leave him alone. I tell him I will send his gift to his work because that's the only address I have for him and oddly, I still want him to have it. I apologize for stressing him out and take the blame because I should've realized long before that if he really was my dream guy that he would've felt the same and made an effort for us to meet. I tell him to take care and let me know how he's doing once in awhile. I tell him thank you for helping me through some crappy times and for that I will always love him. I tell my imaginary friend goodbye and wish him the best. I don't want to send it. I read it over and over for nearly 2 hours. Finally Stacy convinces me to hit send and I do. It felt good in a way. Terrible in another way. If Mr. No Show is gone, so is my crutch. My excuse. My gift of sabotage with every other fella I come across. I've always had Mr. No Show in my pocket to compare them to and run back to. Now, there's just this empty little space in my heart where he used to be.

Once home for the day I relax a bit. Vanilla is texting and asking me to come over. I tell him no because it's cold and crappy out. And to be honest, yes we have a new found understanding if you will, but I can't let him think he can have it whenever he wants it. This is my game and my rules. It's time to take back control.

Email is being ridiculous and Mason and I are having problems getting our messages to each other. We check in on text and question what the hell is going on with yahoo. I get a few messages from Pella as well. He's ok but tonight I'm more interested in talking to Mason. We end up talking on the phone for a few hours and it goes pretty well. I like this no pressure shoot the shit kind of talking. It's nice. He amuses me. That's more than I can say for most men in my life lately.