Mr. No Show

I don't know how to explain him to be honest. I've resigned to the fact that he might be less my dream man and more my dating guardian angel. Sounds odd, I'm sure. I mean, he can't be my dream man, right? I've never met the guy. Never seen his face. I've never even heard his voice, except in my dreams. I know, I know, you can't fall in love with someone you've never met. But maybe stranger things have happened. At this point, all I know is that no one else makes me feel the way he does. He drives me completely crazy like no one ever has. Of course, whether it's a good crazy or asylum crazy depends on the day. Perhaps a little history would help.

AUGUST 2007
Last August I decided to get online and start looking for a distraction. Wasn't necessarily looking for Mr. Right. Just anyone that wasn't Von and could make the pain go away, if only temporarily. So I had a few rules when I started my online adventure. We all know I have a hard time dating shorter thanmyself. That was one. Must be 5'9". Had to live within 50 miles of me. And had to have a picture before I would return any flirts or emails on the online dating sights. Hey, it might sound shallow but if you're seeing my picture and reading my profile, then fair is fair.

At this point I had already met Big Headed Ass (BHA). I'm not sure why I liked him but the fact is I did. It was wrong from the start. I knew it but it didn't stop me from seeing how it played out. Then BHA starts talking about how he wants me to have his baby and how beautiful the child would be. Yes, it would've been cute but we've never even talked about being exclusive, how are you going to suggest we have a baby? I'm not going to lie, I thought about it. Why you might ask? Well, at the time I was thinking of it more as a business transaction than anything. You see, BHA, with all his faults, was a great father to his kids and had a lot of money. If I was going to have a baby out of wedlock he was really a great candidate. I knew he would take care of the kid emotionally and financially and I liked him well enough. He repeatedly asked me to go off the pill and I continued to put him off. One night he had me insanely close to really agreeing to do it but something in my gut just kept bitch slapping me into using my brain. Anyway, I left his house one Sunday night and headed home. I checked my email and had some messages on my online site. I logged in and was IM'ing with a guy when I got a message from another. It didn't have a picture and I almost deleted it out of habit. But boredom struck and I read the short email. Although there was no picture his self description was intriguing and right on track to what I would be attracted to. His email stated that when he read my profile it felt like he was reading exactly what he would write if he was writing what he was looking for in his perfect woman. I read his profile a little more carefully and oddly, felt almost the same. I wrote back and asked him if he had a picture. He said he didn't have one yet but he promised I wouldn't be disappointed. He then captured my attention by starting to talk football. We were both avid Packer fans. Ok, that's three bonus points. He also liked to play basketball, softball, etc. Score again. I warned him I could probably kick his ass in a game of Horse. lol. He wasn't put off by my arrogance or game talking. He dished it right back, and well. I asked what type of music he liked. He named some of my favorite artists. We talked movies and tv and hobbies and what we liked to do for fun. He never missed a beat. After a few hours we swapped email addresses and called it a night. Within a few days of super sweet and completely refreshing emails we exchanged phone numbers and began texting constantly. That was early September 2007.

So Mr. No Show and I continue to talk via text and email. Very flirty, fun and flattering. He holds my attention like no one has done in a long time. While talking to him I realized more than ever how much BHA was lacking in every department I once deemed necessary. In November we decided to meet. I was so nervous I thought I was gonna harf. He had his bowling league that night but we were going to meet at a bar down the street from my house when he was done. I decided to head down early and have a few drinks to relax. Plus, I wanted to be there when he walked in and not vice versa. We continued to text while he bowled and I drank, all the while my old hook up bartender is giving me shit and telling me to put down the phone and just focus on him. Ha! As if. Anyway...we are planning to meet around 9 and he texts me to tell me their game is going super late and we might have to reschedule. At this point, that is not an option. So I tell him I can just come up to the bowling alley and watch his last game and we can chat after that. He doesn't right back. What the fuck, right? Bartender bar sees the frustration on my face and quickly offers his services. I give Mr. No Show another 15 minutes. Forget this. I head to the bowling alley anyway. I go in. I look around. Of course, I don't know who I'm exactly looking for which is super awesome. Plus, I've been drinking. Plus, I feel stupid the moment I walked in for being so bold. But I've never been one to shrink from a challenge and I'm just flippin' impatient. I sit down and look around. I text him that I'm there. I wait for 20 minutes and I leave. I'm humiliated. I'm paranoid he saw me and didn't like what he saw. I have no idea what the hell was going on. I get home, crawl in bed and send him a text that he's an asshole.

The next morning I get a text at work saying he was sorry. Says he freaked out and was scared to meet me. I ask why. He says because what we have is so perfect I don't want to ruin it. This doesn't make any sense to me. He asks me to be patient with him. Even though my head was yelling no my fingers typed yes. I had NO idea at the time what kind of patience I was signing up for. In my head it was a few weeks, max! Looking back that's hilarious. This wouldn't be the first time he would disappear. At this time, I still don't know if it will be the last.