A Juggling Octopus

This is one of those days where I feel there is way too much to do and too little time to do it in. Days like this I feel like a juggling octopus. I have too many balls in the air and it's just a matter of time before one of them drops and breaks. I've barely slept in three days and my nerves are beginning to fray. I even did some nyquil shots before bed but that didn't help. I wish there was a switch to flip off my brain at night. When I lay down, it's usually the first quiet and alone time I have had all day and so brain usually goes into crazy over-drive mode. Next thing I know, it's three in morning and I'm staring blankly at a dark wall and wishing I could just shut my eyes and fall asleep.

I'm totally crabby at Q today, although he doesn't really deserve it. He kept trying to text me last night while I was at the gym. Maybe I'm just lacking talent but I have a hard time clipping along on the treadmill and texting at the same time. And who keeps texting you when they know you're trying to workout anyway? As soon as I get home I text him to see what he's up to. He doesn't respond. Half an hour later I text him that he can ride with Sap this weekend if he wants. Nothing. I decide he either fell asleep or he's fucking another girl. Probably that psycho ex Gina. I try calling him twice before I go to bed but he doesn't answer. Now I'm convinced he's totally fucking that girl. Do I think this because he has given me any reason to believe it or doubt his feelings for me? Absolutely not. I think it because in my head it would be so much easier if he was and then I wouldn't feel so bad about debating my adultery with MNS.

Q texts me good morning and I don't return the sentiment. Like a paranoid and jealous freak I ask him "where were you last night?" He responds that he was at home. "Well, I sent you two texts and tried to call you twice but you apparently didn't want to talk to me." He says that he fell asleep watching tv and didn't wake up until midnight. He didn't want to call me that late because he knew I would be sleeping. He says he's really sad he missed my call because hearing my voice makes his day. Sure it does.

While I was making dinner last night MNS emailed me. We hadn't made official plans by any means but he wrote to let me know he wouldn't be able to come over last night. Ok, wasn't planning on it anyway but I appreciated (and am again shocked) by his communicating instead of just disappearing. How's that for a double standard? I'm impressed and appreciative of MNS letting me know he's bailing on me. Q takes too long to answer a text and I want to rip his head off, whereas MNS disappeared for an entire month and it was just another day in the life. It's sick and it's wrong and its' completely unfair of me to do to Q. So how do I stop it?

Both of them are texting me this morning when I get to work. Neither MNS or I can make tonight work because we have our standard Tuesday plans. He says he would like to meet tomorrow night. I tell him that would be good because I'll be busy this weekend. Luckily, he doesn't ask what I'm doing. Probably because he doesn't care. But I'm glad because it might be weird to tell him my boyfriend is coming to town to see me.

I have my trainer tonight at the gym. My muscles hurt already just thinking about it. Desperately need to do laundry too. Blech. I hate doing laundry but the only option to avoid doing laundry is to buy more clothes and I hate shopping even more than laundry so we will just continue to wash the grungees.