What Comes After Q? R...As In ROLL ON!

THURSDAY
Yommey and I go out Thursday night and drink entirely too much but we have a blast. Meet a cutie out and about who asks me for my number. As hard as it is, I tell him I have a boyfriend. I try texting Q a little bit later and he of course doesn't answer. This is his theme this week. Three days in a row he's not accessible to answer my texts or phone calls in the evening. Supposedly because of the crap he's dealing with and his mom being sick. Whatever, dude. I smell a rat. A big one. Cutie asks for my number again and says we can just hang out as friends sometime. I try calling Q one more time and get his voicemail. With that, I give the cutie my number. Just in case. I have a feeling it's time to start restocking the pockets.

I try calling MNS but his phone is off. Q texts me at 11:30 but I don't get it until an hour later when I check my phone. Mason calls and we talk for awhile. Nothing new, just shooting the shit. Mob calls on our way home and I hand the phone to Yommey because I'm trying to drive. They apparentely cannot get along at all and she hangs up the phone. Mob calls me when I get home and is yelling at me for hanging up on him. I tell him it wasn't me and to chill out. I'm not sure exactly how it went there, as I was lying in bed and trying to sleep, but not thing I know Mob is making me cry. He's telling me how I obviously don't love him and he's not a priority in my life anymore. You wanna talk priorities? Really? In the almost two year off-and-on bogus relationship that we had, I never cracked your top 100 priorities. I came in behind your "work", your kids, the family, your friends, your car, your drugs, your drinking, hustling, video games, eating and taking your daily shit. I was never a priority to you so you shove this little guilt trip of yours in your blunt and smoke it, dude. He asks me again to move back and marry him. I tell him no and this time, I do hang up on him as he questions my love for him.

FRIDAY
No word from MNS. I shoot him a text in the morning but he doesn't answer. I feel like hell all day long. I am way too old to party like that on a week night. Ugh. Q texts me in the morning that he'll see me in 12 hours and can't wait. Ronnie calls me while I'm at work. Apparently I left him a drunk message and serenaded him while I was at it. I ask him what song. He says he thinks it was "Baby Got Back" but it was really just a lot of screaming at the top of my lungs. Gotta love me. We talk for a few and he makes fun of me in a way only Ronnie can do. I have to take it because I totally deserve it.

I talk to Q after lunch and tell him I'm going to take a nap. He says he will see me soon...

FRIDAY NIGHT
Yommey and I go run some errands before the boys arrive. S is supposed to pick up Q at 5:30 and then they'll be on their way. I text Q to see if they were but he doesn't answer. S calls around 6 and says he can't find Q anywhere. He's been waiting and tried calling him and sent him some texts but got no response. I try Q's phone and get his voicemail. I send him a few texts to see where he is. Nothing. I'm flippin' livid that S is sitting there waiting for him and he doesn't have the common fucking courtesy to answer his calls. If he's not coming that's fine but let S know so he can get on the road. After he waits 45 minutes I tell Yommey to tell S to leave him. This is bullshit.

Before I go to bed I try calling Q a few more times. For a brief second I'm worried about his safety but that passes and I'm pissed. All weeks he's been weird, MNS has been lurking and I know what this means. It's over. Speaking of MNS, I haven't heard from him at all today. I have to laugh at myself. This is how this game always works. He comes around long enough for whatever relationship I'm currently in to go awry, and then when they disappear, so does he...until the next one comes along.

SATURDAY
You would think that I woke up with a ton of missed calls or texts from Q, explaining that he was kidnapped by aliens and finally fought his way free and is on his way to see me. Nope. Nothing. Yommey asks if I'm okay. I am. My pride is hurt but I don't need the bullshit and what makes me the most mad is that he left S hanging and waiting for him. Who does that? No one I want to be involved with, I can tell you that.

Yommey and I go out to the fam's to play with the kids. Did I mention the new one is the cutest baby ever?! They both totally melt my heart. Being with them is my happy place and right now, there is no place in the world I would rather be. I have not a care in the world as I watch them play. My phone rings and it's a number I don't recognize but I know instantly it involves Q because of the area code. I answer and it's the pyscho-ex. She says "Please don't hang up on me. There's something you need to know..." I will spare you the details of the 30 minute conversation but it basically goes something like this...

She says Q was with her last night when he was supposed to meet S at spot x at 5:30. They were at a movie. She was with him all night. She knew it was me calling at 9 when they were fucking in their bed. She claims that he moved back in with her on Tuesday. (The first night I couldn't get a hold of him on a whim). She's not being hateful or rude. She's just giving me details that she shouldn't know if there wasn't something going on. She said she just dropped him off at his brothers and she knows he will be contacting me but she wanted me to know the truth so I didn't get my heart broken like the other women in his life. She goes on and on and uncovers many lies that he told me and I believed. She says there are others besides me and her. I finally tell her I have to go. I go back in the living room and pick up the baby. All I wanna do is hold someone innocent that loves me unconditionally. A man that has not yet been twisted into a heart wrecking machine.

As the fam sits down to lunch my phone rings that I have a text from Q. A text, really? You should be blowing up my phone and begging for forgiveness you stupid asshole. You want to send me a text that simply says "I'm sorry" and think that's going to make it all fine? I ask him if he's sorry for not showing up, lying to me or being a cheating fucking coward. He says he didn't cheat. I ask him where he was. He avoids the question. I keep replying "where were you that you couldn't take 20 seconds to let us know you weren't coming?" He continues to avoid until I tell him to go take a flying fucking leap off a really short cliff. He doesn't understand why I'm angry. He didn't do anything wrong. He still hasn't told me where he was last night. I point this out. He says you act like you already know. That's right, I do. He says it wasn't like that and she was acting all crazy like she was going to hurt herself again and he just went over there to be a friend and make sure she was ok. I tell him it doesn't matter. I don't trust him and I don't care.

I take our picture off of myspace. I change my status on facebook to single. Within three minutes Vanilla IM's me that he saw my status and wanted to make sure I'm ok. Dude, you don't want to make sure I'm okay. You want to know if you can come back and visit my playpen. Mason and Kong text me as well throughout the night to see what I'm up to. I'm going out with some friends and not dealing with any men tonight.

While I'm out, Q keeps texting me and saying he's sorry and pressing the issue. I stop responding. He writes over and over begging me to talk to him. I tell him we have nothing to talk about. I don't want to hear his side of the story. It doesn't matter if he was with her or breastfeeding a dying goat, he could've taken 30 seconds to call or text. The point is I don't need the drama or the crap. I told him if she ever contacted me again because he didn't cut her loose it was done. What part of "I'm not playing" doing people not understand? Yes, I'm the player but I'm not playing bogus games with matters of the heart. You're out. You're done. I tell him to have a nice life.

He continues to text me throughout the night. I don't answer. See how he likes being ignored. I have nothing else to say. MNS texts me around 11 and tells me how he wishes he was with me right now. I know this is just the weird game of MNS. Somehow his telekinetic powers tell him I might be in contact with Q and he better jump in just in case I'm starting to fold or fall for the lies. I respond back that I wish MNS was with me as well. That's all he needs to know, that I have not forgotten him and will not end up with another tonight and so he disappears.

SUNDAY
It's a low-key day and I'm glad for that. I wake up to a text from Q but I don't respond. Yommey and Apprentice are worried and want to make sure I'm not too hurt. It's weird to try to explain, and I'm sure it makes me sound cold, but the only thing that's hurt is my pride. I wasn't emotionally invested enough to be heartbroken. And people wonder why I put up my guard? It's for situations like this. Relationships I have aways go awry. I know to stay strong and a bit detached for awhile in the beginning. It's a valuable lesson I learned the hard way, a few times. I'm embarassed and feel stupid for believing him at all. I wanted to believe him. I should've skated at the first sign of drama. Yommey reminds me that sometime I will have to put myself out there. I remind her, only if I want to be hurt. She says she was fooled by him too. He put on an amazing show and seemed to really care about me. Oddly, I don't think it's that he doesn't care about me in a very messed up way. I just think he's an idiot who couldn't care enough about someone other than himself. It's too bad. I will really miss the sex. It was phenomenal. Apparently too phenomenal not to share with a plethora of women. Jackass.

Q tries to text me in the afternoon. I reiterate that it's done. He asks if it's too late for us. Have you not read a single thing I've said to you in the last 24 hours? I tell him he fucked up, beyond anything that can be repaired. He says he will move here and marry me tomorrow so I know that I can trust him and I'm the only one he wants to be with. I tell him that him moving here wouldn't prove that I can trust him, it would only prove that I was a complete idiot. I tell him to leave me alone for good. He sends one more text but I don't answer. He sends another a few hours later and asks what I'm up to. I tell him none of his business.

MNS sends me a dirty text. I respond in my normal dirty fashion. I won't hear anything more tonight. Perhaps tomorrow morning we will resume. Perhaps we won't. I have a feeling it depends if I hear from Q or not.