No Humping For Me On Hump Day

TUESDAY
I ease up on Q a little bit, realizing it is not at all his fault that I'm being bitchy to him. He said he misses me so much he can hardly stand it and can't wait to see me this weekend. I do miss him too. I like spending time with him. It's great. It's just those days in between his visits (which will be two weeks when he finally gets here on Friday) that make it hard. Of course, I could solve this by letting him move here but we all know how I feel about that at this time. So I will just deal with missing him during the week.

MNS and I exchange flirty and dirty texts all day long. After lunch he says "how about I come over tomorrow morning? I know I can't wait for tomorrow night". We decide he will come over at 6:30, like we had originally planned on Monday, and then he will come back Wednesday night after work as well. He pretends like he's all serious and these plans are set in stone. I am hopeful but realistic. He hasn't shown up once in the last 18 months. If he came twice in one day I would probably go into cardiac arrest. Hell, if he showed up once, just EVER, I'm not sure I could avoid shock.

TUESDAY NIGHT
I get home from the gym and working out with my trainer we shall from now on refer to as "He's totally trying to kill me a.k.a HTTTKM) and my phone is blowing up like a tick in a blood bank. Mason is texting me and seems to want to chit chat. He tells me he bought the kids a new four wheeler, work is busy, he's redoing part of the house, etc. All things that are nice to hear but have nothing to do with me and I'm not sure why he's sharing. I think he's just lonely and needs a friend. I'm totally cool with us being friends.

Amidst texts from Mason I get a few from Q and then a few from MNS. MNS made it to bowling and his drinking with his buddies. A little later, as we chit chat back and forth, I get the text that says "bowling is going really good now. just started doing shots. maybe i can come over when i'm done here? drunk sex is fun". I reply to take it easy on the shots or he will be of no use to me. That's around 8:30 pm. I look at Yommey and tell her he's doing shots and I know he won't show up in the morning. I text Q and he doesn't reply. I send him another text when I'm going to bed. Well, maybe he's alseep again, who knows? He writes back just as I'm drifting off that he's sorry he was on the phone with his mom. I tell him good night and I'll talk to him tomorrow.

WEDNESDAY
I wake up at 5:15 a.m. I toss and turn, trying to convince myself to go back to sleep. Resistance is futile. I get up and get ready even though I know he's not coming. I'm trying to give him the benefit of the doubt. For what reason is beyond me! At 6 I text him and ask if we're still on. He doesn't answer. I try calling him at 6:45 but he doesn't answer. I leave for work cursing his name the entire commute.

Q is texting me on my way to work and being especially sappy today. He's so fucking sweet. Why am I such a bitch?!

A text from MNS at 8:26, or two hours after he was supposed to be at my house.

MNS: i am very VERY sorry. i got smashed last night and didn't get up. now i'm late for class also. i'm sorry. :(

I don't reply...right away. Yommey convinces me that my silence may be more effective than ripping him a new one. I'm pretty sure nothing I could say, do or not do, for that matter, would fucking phase him at all. Two hours later I can't take it anymore. I reply "Yeah, me too". I'm sorry he sucks. I'm sorry he doesn't feel the same. I'm sorry for believing him. I'm sorry for considering cheating on Q. I'm sorry for not meaning more to him than getting smashed with the guys at bowling. I'm sorry for a lot of things.

I look at my horoscope and all I can do is laugh. Most the time I read them for pure entertainment and don't pay them much mind. Today, I can't help but think some celestial god somewhere knows what the hell they are talking about and geared this one specifically towards me.

Cancer: Love & Relationships
Daily Love for today, February 18, 2009
The flake? They've gotta go. You spend way too much time scheduling stuff with this person only so they'll blow you off at the last minute. The world's full of hottie and cuties waiting to meet you. If your pal can't commit, find companionship elsewhere. It's okay to be honest.

The flake has gotta go...I read it over and over. The flake has gotta go...