ADD Kicks My Ass

I have officially diagnosed myself with my own version of ADD. Attention Deficit Disorder. I need attention, constantly and my disorder erupts if there is a deficit of it being showered upon me. Symptoms of my ADD include loneliness, longing, anxiety, jealousy, neediness and diarrhea of the mouth.

ADD kicked my ass today. I was at the bar with my male strictly platonic friend Preach when MOB walked in the door. He actually looked at me, went to the other end of the bar, ordered a drink, finished it and walked out without saying a single word to me. I tried calling him. I feel like total shit but am trying to convince myself that he didn’t see me. He didn’t answer. The shit is rising. Preach looks at me and says, “Wasn’t that your boy?” I shrug, acting as if I didn’t notice. I notice LA walk in the door. I perk up for a second. LA is totally in love with me. LA follows me around, buys me drinks, calls me and always wants to hug up on me even though he knows I have a man. He thinks that eventually I’ll cave. Tonight, I need his normally annoying and overly aggressive attention as a pick-me-upper. LA doesn’t disappoint. I leave the bar a bit drunk but more importantly, feeling like I’m not a complete loser. Just because MOB doesn’t seem to want me doesn’t mean I don’t have other options. Screw you, MOB, you’re the loser!

3 AM

Phone rings and I scrambled for it. It’s MOB. “Hello?” He asks if I’m sleeping. Of course I’m not sleeping. It’s not like I have to be up for work in four hours for my real job where they take out taxes and no one gets touched up or shot at any point throughout the day. I lie anyway. “No, I was just reading.” I ask why he ignored me at the bar. He says I looked busy. I remember back and I know that I was staring numbly at the tv, chewing on my straw when he walked in. “What does that mean?” And despite the nerve I think he has, he goes there. “You and ol’ boy looked pretty friendly. I didn’t want to interrupt.” The fucker has completely lost his mind. I sit up so fast I knock my head on the shelf and my lamp goes crashing to the floor. Are you kidding me? Preach? Why didn’t he just ask me if I’ve ever had a wet dream about my female dwarf cousin? The two ideas seemed equally plausible at this point. An hour later I’ve finally convinced him that I’m not in love with, sleeping with, pining over, thinking about or feeling anything but friendship towards Preach. He says he’s on his way over to see me...

He never shows.