Special Delivery/I Am A Whore, Stage 2

Vagina Jane and I head to the bar. We are on a mission. The night is young. We are planning on making the most of it. We find Freak Mama, Preach, FB and Crazy J. Drinking, darts, fun and a lot of flirting ensue. I am digging FB again. He doesn’t seem to be mad about my erratic behavior the night before. We pick up where we left off. A great combo, a team, two drunks throwing dangerously pointed objects for an excuse to touch up on each other. I’m okay with that and apparently so is he. Someone suggests the teams are unfair and that we should trade. FB and I immediately put the kibosh on that stupid idea. We are not being separated anymore. It comes around to FB’s turn. I glance around to give him the darts. Preach tells me he’s in the restroom. I again think this is a perfectly normal place to visit him. I find him again by the sink. He spots me in the mirror and laughs. I don’t say anything. I just walk up, hand him the darts and we begin kissing again. What is it with us in the bathroom? I mean the men’s room of this bar is a rancid place with shower curtain doors and naked booby pictures on the walls. But it works for us.

Vagina Jane enters again, at least this time not with a camera, to bitch about our delay of the game. We exit the bathroom and I come face to face with MOB. He glances between FB and me, unsure what to think. I give him a quick smile (kill ‘em with kindness) and then immediately turn my attention back to FB. MOB floats away but not for long. He returns in a few minutes, looks at me with his little smile that usually makes me melt and says, “I loved your messages. So I’m an asshole, huh?” I smile back, seething inside and say “I think I pretty much covered that in the messages.” He laughs and tries to take my hand, unaware that I could actually really, truly be angry at him or mean what I said. “Do you need a drink?” he asks. “And then some.” I eye the lady who is walking through selling roses. MOB heads to the bar to get me my drink. I return to my dart table and friends. Vagina Jane leans over and asks what happened. I give her the recap. She asks what “And then some” means. I tell her, loudly, over the R. Kelly that is pumping through the speaker system, “I want a flower at least!” Play resumes. And the next thing I know FB is standing in front of me with a beautiful red rose. Huh? I’m stumped as to how my fake boyfriend could be so cool and my real one could suck so bad. I give him a kiss and thank him. Did I mention that he’s growing on me? A few minutes later MOB returns with my drink and a flower. I pick up the one I got from FB and smell it, telling him, I already got what I needed from somebody else. This doesn’t go over well yet he seems mildly amused by my actions, thinking I’m playing a hard to get game. Maybe I am. Maybe I’m really sick of his shit. Maybe the rabid bitch within me has been released. Hard to tell at this point.

During a potty break I check my cell. I have 2 new messages and four missed calls, all from DG. Apparently he wants to see me badly, and soon.

Instead of wandering the bar like usual, MOB actually stays close. He obviously doesn’t appreciate being shown up by FB. He is set to mark his territory. He may as well have peed on my leg because it would have been just as subtle as his actions. I am neither encouraging nor discouraging MOB at this point. I’m just taking it all in. FB backs off after watching MOB’s display. I’m too drunk to know what to do at this point. Vagina Jane is no help whatsoever. My head tells me FB is the clear winner. My heart lies and says maybe MOB could change. My stomach is telling me no more Captain Morgan and Coke. LA enters the bar. I pretend not to see him. I have too much shit on my plate right now than to deal with that.

2 AM

FB leaves because he has to get up for work in a few hours. A quick kiss on the cheek, a hug, thanks for the rose and he’s gone. MOB seems satisfied to see him leave. So satisfied that he can now say goodbye to me as well. He’s heading to a party with his boys. I pretend that I’m not bothered to be leaving the bar without either of them. I make my way outside to have a cigarette and wait for Vagina Jane and Crazy James. I’m approached by Jas. He’s cute. He’s seen me up here a couple times. I know this is true because I’ve seen him watching me before. He’s actually kind of funny and charming. We talk for a bit and then Vagina Jane and Crazy James come out and lead me to the parking lot. As I’m getting into the car I hear Jas calling my name. He asks where we’re going. I debate inviting him along. He asks for my number because he wants to take me out. I give it to him and tell him I’ll talk to him later. As we pull away I pick up my phone and dial DG.

2:30 AM

DG shows up at my house. We sit in my room and talk for awhile. I mean, we should know something about each other than he’s a delivery guy and I like to answer the door half naked. We small talk. We talk talk. We laugh. Then I roll on to my side and take it all in. He’s tall. I like that. Well built, even through his shirt I can see some massive muscle mass. Score two. He pulls me in for a kiss. Aggressive, kind of makes me hot. I brush my hand past his crotch. BULLSEYE!! Hello! Red Alert. Break out the magnum’s. It does not look to disappoint…and it doesn’t.

6:30 AM

You know that saying if you sneeze eight times in a row it equals an orgasm? Well if I orgasm one more time at this point, I think I might die. I fear woman are only allotted so many orgasms in their life and that I was using up my entire life supply. I don’t know if DG ate four bowls of Wheaties this morning or if he’s a viagra junkie but after round seven, I was spent. My head was spinning. Perhaps a combination of the booze, the late hour and the incredible sex. He pulled me into his arms with a smile. I returned it and fell asleep within moments. This guy had definitely just won himself backup fake boyfriend status.