One Eye On The Door And Still A Whore

9 AM

You know you had incredible sex the night before when you go to walk him to the door and your knees are wobbling as you down the flight of stairs. My ass muscles burned with every step. Dear God, sleeping with DG once a week could be my new exercise regime. Screw Buns of Steel or Tae Bo. How about Tae Delivery Boy? Crazy James is still passed out on my couch. I ask where Vagina Jane is. He smiles and informs me that she couldn’t sleep through the madness of “marathon man and the ultimate orgasm”. I laugh and head back to bed.

9 PM
Vagina Jane and I sit at the bar sipping our drinks. The DJ blares behind us and the dance floor is crowded with people. She tries to get me to dance but I tell her for the fiftieth time that my thighs aren’t up for any bumping and grinding tonight. She rolls her eyes; not feeling the least bit sorry for me since her man had been gone for months now on tour and her pocket rocket had become her new best friend.

I’m hoping MOB doesn’t show. I’m looking forward to a night that is drama and heart abuse free. When I see his friends arrive without him I breathe a sigh of relief. They instantly surround Vagina Jane and myself, offering to buy us drinks, dance and more than eager to do whatever else we would possibly let them get away. We hold them at drinks. CC convinces Vagina Jane to dance. I watch from the bar, sipping my drink, smoking my square, laughing my ass off as he tries to booty bump her from the back. She sidesteps and he crashes into the large security guard. I laugh so hard a bit of my drink dribbles out the side of my mouth and down the crack of my cleavage. Penguin reaches over with a napkin and tries to help wipe it away with a smile. I take the napkin from him and pat down my breasts myself but thank him for the offer. “Besides,” I tease him “what if MOB walked in and saw you doing that? He’s your boy.” Penguin smiled and told me that MOB wasn’t walking in tonight. He had left town on business this morning. I cheer inside.

Vagina Jane returns after a few songs and we continue to drink and O&R (Observe and Ridicule) those around us. Oh sure, it’s not nice but everyone does it. Don’t pretend that you haven’t pointed someone out to your friend for a laugh. But I still keep an eye on the door. I’m not sure why. Vagina Jane makes fun of me for it. She thinks I’m looking for FB. I scoff at the idea and say I’m hoping my prince charming comes marching in and turn my attention back to the dance floor. Vagina Jane elbows me hard in the ribs. “Oh, I think he just did.” I turn and see FB enter. “Fuck off!” She laughs at me. I don’t look at him. I turn the opposite way and order another drink. But soon I feel his hand on the small of my back and he leans in and gives me a kiss on the cheek. I feign surprise. “Have you been here all night?” He slides onto the stool next to me that I promised to save for Penguin while he ran outside. Oops. He’s dressed nicer than normal and he’s wearing cologne. It tickles my nose and select other areas. “Did you have a hot date tonight, or what?” I tease. He says he was at a party (that Vagina Jane and I opted not to attend) and just got back. It was lame (as we knew it would be) so he thought he’d see if we were down here. That’s right baby, come to mama. I am where the action is.

2 AM

We grab a few friends for after hours (FB included) and head back to my house. We make drinks and smoke and shoot the shit. FB stays close, is hand on my hip and every time he laughs, a gust of warm air blows across my neck. Vagina Jane and Leeker are singing karaoke in the living room . Fill goes inside to make a phone call and finally FB and I are alone outside, leaning against the hot tub, inebriated and horny to boot. His hands glide across my skin and we smile which leads to some serious kissing and groping. Fill comes back outside and instead of seeing that he was interrupting and heading back inside, he lights a black and mild and stands there watching. Fill then says “I guess I know who the third wheel is.” Oh for fucking rude. Ya think? Get a clue, dude!

4:30 AM

Vagina Jane passes out on the couch. Leeker passes out on the floor. Fill says he needs to get going. I look to FB to see what his move will be. He smiles and heads to the bathroom. I think for a second. Did he smile and then decided he had to pee or did he smile and head to the bathroom thinking that maybe I would follow him like I do at the bar? I give him a minute or two in case he really did have to pee. Then I open the door and walk on in, finding him, yet again, washing his hands at the sink. Hey, at least he’s got hygiene unlike some guys I know. Anyway, I shut the door behind me and we begin to make out. I ask him to stay. He says he has to take Fill home. Fill’s transportation home is the least of my fucking concerns right now. His hand up my shirt and tongue on my neck are much more interesting topics of conversation in my opinion. Finally, he pulls away. He has to take his boy home. Normally I would applaud such loyalty but at the moment I’m just pissed and all horned up and wishing Fill could have driven his own damn car. I put on my best sad, pouty puppy dog face. He’s about to cave. I can see it in his eyes and feel it against my leg. I lean in for a kiss, knowing it will seal the deal but he makes it a quick peck and pulls back. He takes my head in his hands and looks me in the eyes. “This…with us…it’s going to happen. It doesn’t have to be tonight. I’m not going anywhere and there’s no reason to hurry.” It takes me a minute to process this. Here I am, literally and physically throwing myself at FB. And I mean, I’m giving him my best stuff. Best smiles, kisses, hair flips, cleavage shots, brushing of hands, you name it. What drunk twenty-eight year old male when locked in a bathroom with a girl does that? FB that’s who. Damn it!

We kiss again. “Be careful,” he warns. “We don’t need Vagina Jane running in and taking any more pictures of us kissing.” I have no idea what he’s talking about. Apparently on top of my ADD I have amnesia.