Doggie Style

I miss Vagina Jane. We were the ultimate party pair. But now her man has returned and they’ve been holed up all week, no doubt doing it like bunnies in their beach house. Not that I’m jealous she’s completely in love with the man of her dreams and they’re going to live happily ever after. She deserves that. Just wish we could share her. Yes, I’m a selfish bitch. Layoff. It’s been a long weekend.

I go to meet Freak Mama. We chill, drink and girl talk. MOB’s “old friend” spends the night glaring at me from across the bar. The more I drink the more I contemplate walking over and bitch-slapping her off of her chair. I refrain. It’s more fun knowing she wants what she thinks I have and letting her think she doesn’t bother me in the least. The bartender invents a new drink but is lacking a name. I take a taste and offer up “Doggie Style”. By the end of the night everyone in the bar is drinking the doggie style and barking when they order.

Note to self: I do not like tuna melts. Do not ever eat another tuna melt.

48 hours and counting. MOB who?