That Orphan Annie Was Right

today she is angry.
she doesn't know why.
just one of those days that didn't go her way.
she knows she is blessed and lucky and loved
she should suck it up and smile.
but once in awhile she can't.
hasn't she earned that?
she's faked her smiles so many days
sometimes she thought her little plastic lips would fall off.
she has no words of encouragement.
she has no energy.
she is not herself today and she wonders, isn't that ok?
can i have an off day?
can i be bitter and solemn and lazy and selfish?
she decides she will, just for a moment, to see how it feels.
she whines outloud. she wishes she could cry.
but it doesn't feel right.
it just makes her head hurt.
and she thinks about the wrinkles around her lips
and on her forehead if she frowns
and decides against it.
then the phone rings. it's him.
usually it would make her giddy with delight.
he senses by her tone she is not happy.
what can he do to make it better?
and it makes her even more upset because there is nothing.
he's at work. out of town. preparing for a weekend with the boys.
he can't make it better for two weeks.
he tells her he misses her and to be good.
he has no idea she will see another saturday night.
he has no idea she has another on her mind everyday.
and when she hangs up the phone, she feels guilt.
she is overwhelmed by feelings of betrayal.
but why? she never promised him anything.
but he thinks he has her heart
and she never corrected him and told him otherwise.
she figured it was easier that way. and she didn't want to upset him.
so instead she sits alone on the deck, staring off into the night,
watching her cigarette burn slowly, just like her day,
wasting away into ashes that blow into the wind.
and with that, she doesn't have the energy to be angry anymore.
she just drags herself to bed,
knowing that if she closes her eyes and drifts off to dream,
things will be better in the morning. it always is.
that odd looking red headed orphan was right.
the sun will come out...whether she's ready for it or not.
so she might as well suck it up and make the best of it,
as she always does, because that's just who she is these days.
when she's not happy, neither are the people around her.
so it's her duty to stay happy so that their worlds don't get wacked off track.
and in the morning she'll call him back and wish him a wonderful day
and tell him how much she truly does miss him too.
and she can't wait to see him again.
he doesn't have to know he doesn't have her whole heart.
perhaps just a part of it is all he needs right now.
or so we hope, because that's all she can give.