I Straddled Him On The Porno Couch Like No One Else Was There

Dropped Von off in the morning. He called me on my way to work to tell me he wasn’t going to have the boys this weekend. I’m a little disappointed. I was really looking forward to spending time with them. On the other hand, I’m relieved. Things are perfect between Von and I. What if his sons don’t like me? Then I’m totally screwed. Best not to rush that. Although I’m sad for him not getting to see them.

MOB emails me throughout the day. He wants to come to the bar tonight and meet Von. I tell him I don’t think that’s a very good idea. He promises me that he will be on his best behavior and only wants me to be happy. As much as I want to believe him, I know I can’t.

9 PM
I head to the bar with Von, Dorothy and Vagina Jane. FB, Sassy, Crazy James, Asia, Mary Poppins, etc. are all there. We play darts and drink excessively. MOB calls and asks if I’ll come pick him up and bring him back to the bar. I tell him I’m too drunk. I’m getting enough dirty looks from Gloves, Froggie and Sam who are sitting next to me at the bar. I don’t need MOB up there acting the fool as well.

2 AM
MOB never shows up. Guess he couldn’t get a ride from any of his “friends”. Not my problem. Another night of drama dodged. A bunch of us head to my house for after hours. We make egg sandwiches, smoke more, drink more and act like we’re in a “who can talk the loudest” contest. All the talking is hurting my head.

Von sits down on the couch and I sit next to him. Dorothy and Vagina Jane are standing next to us chatting. Dorothy mentions wanting to go to Vegas for her birthday in a few weeks. Von lights up with excitement. “Do you wanna go, bear?” He asks me. And I blurt “Yes! But we can’t go to Vegas!” He asks why not. “Because you’re still technically married and if we go to Vegas I’m gonna want to elope!” The minute I’m done I want to throw myself into the fireplace. Did I just tell him I want to elope? Two weeks together and I just blurted out in front of a viewing audience that I would marry him? I’m waiting for him to make a Road Runner fast dash for the door, never to be seen again. I feel my heart rise up in my throat. I probably just completely fucked this up. Why am I an idiot?! I can’t even look at him. But I can tell he’s looking at me. He pulls me down for a kiss. Not a word or a look of fear or looking at me like I’m completely insane. Just a sweet kiss, as if he knows I’m freaking out, to tell me it’s okay. I straddle him on the couch and attack him to thank him for not running out on me.

I’m sitting on the couch watching my friends, too tired and drunk to join in on the conversation. I begin to fade out. I feel someone put a blanket around me. I feel the warmth of two lips on my forehead.

4:30 AM
I wake up to the warmth of two lips on my forehead. Von takes my hand and leads me upstairs. He tucks me into bed and cuddles up against me and we drift off to sleep. I dream of us getting married at the drive-thru chapel by an Elvis impersonator. We’re not driving a pink Cadillac but it’s a Cadillac Escalade which is completely pimped out. My ring is out of a gumball machine but it’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.

6 AM
I awake from my dream and decide to wake him up with a few soft kisses of my own. He gladly accepts my apology.