You Snooze, You Lose

I am undoubtedly late for work. Only half an hour though. Not bad, not bad. It was totally worth it. Have to take a nap when I get off of work. While I’m trying to sleep Milkshake, Smoke and Gloves all call. I answer none of the calls.

I talk to Von and we plan to meet at the bar. Vagina Jane will meet us as well. I call Smoke back. He wants to come over and visit me. I tell him I have plans and laugh him off as usual. He says, “Well, if you get the itch, you know where to find me.” I’m thinking to myself, “Fucking you would probably give me an itch of some sort. No thanks”.

I walk in the bar and see Asia by the pool table. I say hi and then notice Von by the front door. I had walked right past him. As I head over to talk to him I see a familiar face. It’s Gloves. I freeze. He never comes here unless he’s with me or Sam. And why is he in town? What is going on? I go over to say hi. He says, “I thought I might find you here. I tried calling you.” This is just twisted. He’s literally two feet away from Von. I small talk with him for about 30 seconds and then tell him I need a drink. I walk over to Von who gives me a big hug and kiss. I can see Gloves trying to figure out what the hell is going on. I sit next to Von and he orders me a drink while draping his arm around my waist. I can feel Glove’s eyes burning through me. Well, this is surely uncomfortable. Where the hell is Vagina Jane? I need her help.

Vagina Jane shows about 15 minutes later and has a seat next to us at the bar. And then Gloves decides to take the seat next to her. Ugh! He tries catching my eye more than once, each time with this glare that begs for answers. FB comes and we decide to play darts. The teams are FB and Vagina Jane against Von and myself. Gloves watches us the entire first game. Eventually he comes over and says goodbye. It is awkward. As he hugs me he whispers “call me” and then walks out the door. I turn to Von and shower him with kisses, hoping he didn’t notice the tension. He doesn’t appear to.

Von goes to the bathroom and FB drills me about him. I ask him if he likes him so far. FB says “He seems like a cool guy but I don’t trust your judgment in picking men so I’m being cautious.” Thanks, jackass. Vagina Jane is pissed at her fake boyfriend Crazy James for not showing up again as promised. Von buys us each a flower. I officially will my fake boyfriend, FB, to Vagina Jane. Hers sucks and I don’t think I need mine anymore. I like the real one. But before FB and I can officially fake break-up our fake relationship, he must give a warning to Von. He tells him he’s a cool guy but if he hurts me, he’s going to die. That seems to be a popular theme this week. Poor guy has had his life and genitalia threatened more times since he met me than he probably has in his entire life. Lucky for me he’s a good sport about it. Vagina Jane and FB are getting along like bread and butter. It’s a nice change and I love it. A mellow night with three of my favorite people in the world, stiff drinks, smokes and good dart competition…what more could a girl possibly ask for?

When we finally get home and into bed Von pulls a few surprises out of his hat. D-A-M-N! I go to sleep exhausted, with a permanent smile plastered on my face. What I did to deserve this guy? I will never know.