Just Because It's Monday

I feel like crap and am fighting a cold. IM with Clingy and Ron. Agree to finally meet Clingy for dinner some night this week. Not sure which one yet.

While at work I decide I’m going to boycott Mars, Inc. You ask a million Americans what their favorite flavor of Starburst or Skittle is. You are not going to hear an overwhelming response of lemon, orange and lime. It’s just not going to happen. Almost everyone I know wants cherry and strawberry, maybe an occasional grape. Right? Well, here I am at work, snacking on some skittles. I open the bag and poor it out on my desk. There are close to 100 skittles on my desk. Guess how many are red? Four. Four! That’s not statistically correct. If there are 100 skittles and five flavors, the least you can do is give me 20 red ones, right? Not four! I feel so robbed. I dig in my drawer and pull out my starbursts. Lo and behold, I find the same type of situation. Way more yellow and orange than pink and red. This is crap. Why are you keeping the good flavors from the hard working people of America? Sure, I love your Snickers and Twix and even M&M’s but I’m done with you Mars. Until you can show me you’re not screwing me on the cherry, it’s over.

To the bar with Vagina Jane. We invent some new drinks, take too many shots and play a lot of darts with two random married guys. I’m the only one who’s not married. The Flirty Guy tells me I’m not married because I’m too sassy. So be it. The more I drink the sassier I get. He tells me that I’m doomed. I tell him that maybe I see it as being blessed. Crazy James comes up for awhile. I missed that crazy asshole. Vagina Jane asks him where his cousin Tiny is. She says that I’m looking for him. I tell him that I’m not looking for him. He asks why. I tell him that I’m scared of Tiny’s huge cock. He busts up laughing. The second it’s out there I want to punch myself in the face and take it back. Why do I say shit like that? Flirty Guy is wrong. I’m not single because I’m sassy. I’m single because I have chronic diarrhea of the mouth. Plain and simple.