My Afternoon Delight

It's been an interesting week. I haven't seen MNS since last week and he still doesn't have minutes on his phone. We've had some emails regarding his divorce and us and what not. Basically he says he's stuck in the marriage until he can save up enough money for a divorce. He says it's the only thing holding him back from leaving that miserable life he's leaving. According to him he is working on it as fast as he can and can't wait until he can be with me and in a "happy place". I tell him that I need more than once a week. He promises over and over that he will make more time, no matter how hard it is, because he wants to be with me just as badly as I want to be with him. All I can do believe him and hope that it goes quickly. We spend Thursday afternoon exchanging dirty emails and he promises to come over Friday morning and makes it very obvious that he can't wait to see me and be with me again. He says it's been too long. Well, yes it has, because you've been busy. Thursday night at 8:30 he sends me an email that he got the call he has to go into work Friday morning and won't be able to come over. He says he will be off in the morning and will meet me for lunch or whatever I want. He says he's just as upset as I am. I highly doubt that.

I have been bombarded with texts and IM's from Pella, Dom and Mason. I have no idea where the hell Pella came from. It's so out of the blue. I basically call him out on his bullshit and leave it at that. Dom keeps asking me if I miss him and if he can see me. I finally have to tell him that I'm seeing someone else and I can't. He doesn't seem to like it but I just can't lead Dom on when my heart belongs to MNS, as unfortunate as that may be and as much as I may regret it later. Stupid Q keeps texting me and I tell him repeatedly to stop and that we are not friends and I have nothing to say to him.

Friday I leave work at noon and MNS comes over around 12:45. I am crabby and I make sure he knows that. He apologizes and promises that I will never have to go 10 days without him again. I tell him I am going to hold him to that or I will walk. For once I think he might believe that I'm for real...and he should. Fair told me I'm the worlds worst mistress and she's totally right. I pretended that I could do this and having part of MNS was better than nothing but it's not. It's almost worse.

MNS and I spend the afternoon in bed. We talk about his son and things we want to do together this summer and next year and, unfortunately, his wife. I can't help but ask questions about her. I realize that lying next to him naked seems like an inopportune time to question his other life but I can't help it. I need to know things to better understand his position and where I stand in his life. He answers whatever I ask him. He tells me she is going to freak out when he leaves and want to know all about me. I reiterate that he needs to make sure she knows he's leaving because he's miserable and that it has nothing to do with me. Of course it will be easier for her to blame me, I get that. He says he is miserable but his leaving does have a lot to do with me. Before he met me back in the day he forgot that he deserved to be happy and I make him happy and he can't stay in a relationship with her when he wants to be with me. Fuck-in-A. No pressure there.

Eventually we have to say goodbye but he promises that we can have a playdate on Sunday afternoon. He pinky swears me on it. He says he wishes we could have a playdate everyday. I tell him he needs to get better at this affair thing and then we could. He laughs at me and kisses my head like I'm a niave child. Again, I'm not playing. I need more effort. I love being with him but I'm a greedy bitch and if he can't make more time like he promised, then I will have to bid him ado until he leaves her and can be with me. By the way, it's Sunday afternoon at 2:30 and I haven't heard shit from him since he left Friday afternoon. If he breaks our play date and doesn't acknowledge that he missed it, I will have some serious contemplating and decision making to do. Yes, we've come leaps and bounds in the last two months compared to where we were for the last year and a half but if this is him trying and giving it his all, it's not enough for me. And it never will be.