I Might Drown In A Mojo River

Ok, it's been a minute but in my defense, work is insane and I've had some family stuff going on to deal with. Death sucks...that's all I know.

So last update I had sent MNS that email telling him to stop being a jackhole. He replied saying...

yes things are hectic and I am busy and I am sorry that we are not able to spend a lot of time together. I do wish that things were different right now for us. I am doing what I can with what I have and I am doing it how I think it needs to be done. I am sorry that you don't agree with me and that you are upset but I am doing what I think is best.
I know I don't text you like I should and I am sorry for that also. I will stop telling you that I will see you soon and all that becuse I dont want you thinking that I am blowing you off.
Lyndee I do like you a lot and I do want things to be better in the future but I don't know when that will be. I am not going to put a time frame on that because I don't want you getting upset over that. Like I keep saying I am doing what I need to and I am doing it how I think I need to.
If I am continually upsetting you and angering you then maybe we need to just be friends and chill out untill I get things situated and then we can go from there. If in the mean time you meet someone else then do what you feel is right for you. I am not saying that to upset you or as a brush off and I don't have anyone else nor am I looking but I don't want you saying that you passed up on something you thought could have been good waiting on me. Is this what you want to do?
I don't want to keep stressing you out and making you feel bad. I do miss you.

To which I replied that I'm sorry that's how he feels and there is not much I can say. I told him it hurt me to read that he wouldn't care if I was with someone else. I said when he leaves her we will see where we both are and if we can work things out.

Friday, May 8th

Friday night I went out with the girls and I met someone that actually sparked my interest, a lot. We chatted and exchanged numbers. We will call him Balls. He's super cute and totally hilarious. And he made me feel like I was the absolute sexiest woman in the bar that night. I needed that. We ended up having a few people over for after hours and they joined us. He didn't try to bust a move or anything. We just shot the shit for a few hours and he gave me a great hug when he left. That was it.

Saturday, May 9th

Spent the day talking to Balls and Marine. Went out on a date with Marine. It was actually a lot of fun. We went to dinner, then to a bar to have a few drinks. I was tired from Friday night so I was home before midnight so I didn't turn into a pumpkin. Got a great hug and a sweet kiss on the cheek and called it a night.

Monday, May 11th

MNS responds:
I didn't say that I wanted you to see other people!! I said that if you found someone and you thought you didn't want to wait on me I wouldn't blame you. I did NOT say go out and find someone. That would tear me up. I want to see you also but at this moment in time I don't have a lot of time. I know I have to get my priorities straight, including you. Believe me I hear that all the time. I will talk to you later today.

And he did. We spent most of the afternoon talking on IM and text. He asked if he could come see me in the morning and I said yes. I wasn't sure if he would really come or not but he did.

Tuesday, May 12th

MNS shows up at 6 in the morning. We talk awhile and romp awhile and it's great as usual but something inside me is changing. As much as I love MNS, I'm severely doubting he can ever be the man I need him to be. And, I don't know how much longer I can wait for him to leave her. Balls and Marine are both up my ass wondering when they can see me again.

The more Balls and I talk the more I like him. And then he reveals his "catch". He lives with his son and his baby mama. He says they are not really together but they live together for his son. I tell him I can't play that game and to leave me alone.

Wednesday, May 13th

Marine shows up at my work with a dozen beautiful red roses. They are huge and gorgeous and every woman that walks by my desk wants to claw my eyes out with jealousy. It makes me feel bad that he drove all the way down here to give me this wonderful gift and he has no idea he's third in line for my heart. I'm not giving him a fair shake at all. He's sweet and we have a great time talking but he's leaving in August and I can't get that out of my mind. Why would I start a relationship with him when he's leaving? The roses make me angry at MNS too. Marine knew I was having a bad day and wanted to do something nice for me. MNS should've sent those flowers but he didn't and he won't. I tell him I got flowers and he's not happy about it. I tell him they should've been from him. He asks if I'm done with him and I say I want to be but both of us know that I'm not. Balls gets jealous too, not that he has any reason too. He knows he can't be mad about it but he says he would've sent me a dozen and one and teases me about "the rose guy" for the next few days.

Thursday, May 14th

Balls and I decide we can just be friends. I love talking to him. I tell him nothing can happen between us because we both have too much going on. He says he would rather be just my friend than nothing at all. I'm glad for that. I spend the day talking to him, Marine and MNS. I feel like my heart is being pulled in about 7982 different directions and none of them are good and the answer is not clear to me at all.

Friday, May 15th

I get the call from my parents that my grandpa died at 6:15 am. MNS texts me at 6:20 to say he won't make it over this morning. I tell him it's ok because I'm no longer in the mood. He says he's very sorry to hear about my grandpa and asks if I need anything. I tell him a hug. He says if it rains he will come over at lunch and deliver me all the hugs I want. I hope he does. Marine and Balls are both very attentive and caring this morning with my news. Balls is particulary sweet and really worried about me. It feels good and bad at the same time. He makes me feel very special. He makes me angry that MNS doesn't try as hard as he does.

MNS does not come over at lunch. He says he's trying to get off work early to see me and will call when he's on his way. He doesn't call by 7. Yommey and I head out to the club where Balls is working and he spends the night by my side giving me hugs and letting me know he cares and is there if I need anything. He's like this huge teddy bear that you just want to squeeze over and over until all your problems go away. He's also like a bodyguard and doesn't let anyone get too close to me or bother me at the club. I like that. I'm not in the mood to deal with any bullshit tonight. Yommey and I leave early as I am mentally and physically exhausted. When we get home I get a text from Balls "I miss you already". Ugh. I need sleep.

Saturday, May 16th

Marine checks in on me to see how I'm doing and let's me know he made it to his conference down south. I tell him I'm doing fine and I will see him when he gets back. Balls calls in the morning to see how I'm doing as well. We IM while I'm at work.

I hear nothing from MNS. We had tentative plans to meet up tonight downtown. He was going out with the fellas for his birthday and I'm going out with the girls. We had said we would probably all meet up at the bar later on in the evening.

Yommey, Apprentice, Fair and I head out and get annihilated. Balls is at a family function but I tease him about wanting to come out and see me. I know he wants to. He makes no secret of that. I still don't hear anything from MNS but we head to the club he's supposed to be at anyway. He's not downstairs so I make my way up to the VIP lounge above. I do a quick walk through, in my drunken, blurry state, and don't see him. We leave and head to another club. Next thing I know, Balls texts me and says he's outside the club. He couldn't stay away. He and his cousin come up and watch us party.

We all go back to the club where MNS is supposed to be just before closing time. I do one more walk through and don't see him. I run into a friend of a friend, who is a total hottie and he asks for my number. I give it to him, not thinking much of it. Balls refuses to let us drive home. I ride with him and his cousin drives Yommey in her car. On the way home the friend of a friend calls to see what we're up to and says he and his buddy want to come hang out with us after hours. I give him directions and watch Balls get really annoyed. I'm too drunk to understand or care at this point. He has a girlfriend and he and I are just friends. Sure, he left his family function to come out and see me and make sure I got home safely. That's sweet. That's what friends do, right? Sometimes I am so wrong.

Sunday, May 17th

Balls is pissed at me and I feel bad. Then again, why do I feel bad? He lives with his baby mama. That's not my fault. If he was free and we were dating I wouldn't act like that in front of him but he's not. We're just friends. Although I know I like him and I should probably stop talking to him before I like him anymore. Why is that so hard to do?

Marine is on his way back to town and wants to see me. He won't get here until after I am in bed. I tell him we can get together some night this week, after I return from the funeral and such. He's very understanding about it and hopes we can get together soon. I tell him perhaps i can make him dinner Saturday night and we can rent movies. He says that sounds splendid.

Not a word from MNS today and I want to rip his face off.