Out Of The Loop

FRIDAY
Spend most of the day texting and emailing with MNS. He wants to see me before I leave town but the rain is clearing up so most likely he will have to work until he goes to his sister's house. He says if he doesn't come over tonight he will in the morning. How many times have I heard this one? Just a couple thousand. I will admit I really love being able to talk to him all day long again, though. It's a great pick me up throughout the day and makes me smile every time his name pops up on my phone. Marine and Tre are both pressing to meet me and I continue to blow them off.

SATURDAY
MNS starts blowing up my phone at 5:45 AM apologizing for not coming over Friday night. He got drunk at his sisters house and now he's on his way to work. I pick a tiny fight with him to make him feel bad and then drop it. I'm not that upset and I won't want to push him too far. I just like for him to grovel once in awhile. He texts me most of my drive to see the family. Marine does too.

After my nephew's baptism I make the 30 minute drive to see Dutchboy to get the money he owes me. He looks really crappy and worn down. Chemo will do that to you, I guess. I stay and talk to him for a whopping four minutes and then we both know it's time to leave. I'm pretty sure I will never see or talk to him again after this. Nothing left to talk about really. That was the last loose end we needed to tie up.

SUNDAY
Marine is texting me non-stop while I drive back home and wants to take me to dinner tonight. I tell him we will see. At this point, I'm not really in the mood. MNS texts me and asks what time I'm getting back to town and says he would like to see me. I tell him I'm already back and I don't hear from him again. Sometimes he's such an idiot.

It was weird hanging out with my family this weekend. I love them with all my heart and we always have a great time but I feel very out of the loop. Every conversation that occurs between us now involves babies. Every move and piece of information revolves around my two nephews. Not that this is bad. I love my nephews more than anything in the entire world but I don't have anything to contribute to these conversations. There is nothing I can add or share or even disagree with. I have no children. I am not pregnant. I don't have to share coupons for diapers or have any tips on how to potty train. My kid didn't do anything super cute last Tuesday on the drive home or keep me up all night Thursday. My parents no longer make trips to see me like they did when I lived far away. They make trips to see grand babies and hope to see me while they are here visiting. So I sit on the outside of this circle that is my family and watch and hope someday I can be back in the loop and have relevant information and stories to share so that I can be connected to them again.