Not A Very Memorable Memorial Weekend

THURSDAY

Emails, texts and IM's with MNS and Balls throughout the day. Nothing has changed with Balls. Neither of us knows what we want, if anything, with the other. We know we like talking and it feels good but we also have other obligations (his son, baby mama and MNS) to think about. At this point I don't see anything changing for either of us or progressing between us.

MNS keeps up his talk of moving out very soon and that he may need a key to the apartment and he can't wait to wake up next to me and see me every day. I'm so tired of talk at this point. He says he will see me this weekend and needs to see me and can't wait. Is it me you need to see or is that you need to get a little? I can't help but wonder.

Marine is wondering if he can see me this weekend. I tell him we will play it by ear. He tells me I can come out and see him Thursday night but I am sleepy and don't feel like it. I say maybe Saturday night or Sunday. Truth be told, I just want to see MNS. I want to talk to him and figure out what is going on. I can't go any further into anything with Balls or Marine if MNS is seriously thinking of moving in with me "soon".

FRIDAY

Same as the days before. Emails, texts and IM's with MNS and Balls. Balls is wondering if I'm going to come out to the club tonight and see him at work. I tell him I have a girl's night planned and will not be seeing him. Marine asks me to go to dinner. I tell him the same. MNS swears he is going to come over in the morning and see me.

As I'm getting drunk with the ladies I get many texts from Balls seeing how my night is going, telling me he misses me and reminding me he would love to see me tonight. I can't lie. I like it. He gives me a LOT of attention and he's always very, very sweet and cute when he does it. It makes me feel good. It makes me feel crappy when I realize it's him and not MNS. I ask Balls on a scale of 1-10 how badly he wants to see me tonight. He says 22.

10:45 PM
After consuming copious amounts of alcohol I convince Fair to take me to see Balls. As I'm walking out the door Marine calls to see if he can see me now. I tell him I'm on my way out. MNS texts me as I'm heading to see Balls. He wants to come over. It's 11 o'clock at night and I'm out and about. He doesn't seem to like that very much. Balls does not seem to like the fact that I'm texting MNS while sitting there with him at work. Apparently I just can't please anyone, including myself. MNS gets mushy about seeing me in the morning and how he can't wait. I tell him I can't wait either.

Fair needs to go home to sleep and Balls tells her he can take me home. Fair thinks Balls is very sweet and loves how he showers me with affection. I love it too but it causes me mass confusion. Tonight, though, I don't care. It feels good and I'm just going to roll with it. Before I can get home Balls needs to drop off his buddy. I take a nap in the backseat of the Tahoe while we drive. I'm sleepy and quite drunk at this point. I am, however, very aware of the fact that I have made out with Balls at different intervals throughout the night. As we get closer to Ball's buddies house a small lump rises in my throat. I know this neighborhood. We are scarily close to MNS's house. I start to freak out a bit. What if his buddy is MNS's next door neighbor or something and they know each other. Or we pull up and MNS happens to be outside and they start shooting the shit and he looks in the bank and sees me all drunk and retarded and wondering why the hell I am in the back of this tahoe at 2:30 in the morning. Ugh. For a second I think I am going to vomit. Balls slows the truck right by MNS's street and then keeps rolling. I breathe a TINY sigh of relief. He stops the car a block away from MNS's house and lets his buddy out. That is way to close for my comfort.

Balls gets me home and helps me into my room. I fall on the bed and giggle. What a weird night. I glance at the clock and think that work is really going to suck in less than 5 hours. Balls helps me take out my contacts and take off my shoes and puts me under the covers. He kisses me and I kiss him back. He's a really great kisser. I like kissing him. I want to keep kissing him but I am very distracted by the irritating noise that is wailing from his pants pocket, repeatedly. Finally, after about 12 missed calls he grabs the phone and looks at it. "It's my son, I gotta go." And with that, he sprints out of my room and out of the apartment. Okie dokie then. I have a smoke and talk to Yommey on the deck for a few minutes. She thought I had just run out the door and came out to make sure I was ok.

I fall asleep around 3:30 or 4.

SATURDAY

MNS starts texting me at 6 AM. I can barely focus my eyes to read the texts he is sending me. He apparently woke up on the happy, cheery side of his marital bed this morning as he is being very mushy and excited to see me as soon as he gets off work. We text back and forth until 8:30 when I finally realize I'm not going to get anymore sleep. He says he should be over about 9. I sit up and hold my head, knowing I desperately need to shower the rum and smoke off of me before he gets here. I brush my teeth for a really long time and hear my phone beeping again. It's MNS. He says his boss just called and says he has to run up to the other office when he's done at his. What the fuck?! You're supposed to come see me in 15 minutes. I ask him if he's trying to make me cry and tell him this is bullshit. He says "I would never want you to cry. You crying would make me very sad. Please don't do that." I write back and tell him I can't sit around and wait for him to get off work whenever because I have to go to work at some point. I wasn't really crying, but felt like I could for a second and I wanted him to think that I was. He needs to know I can't take this roller coaster. I'm so sick of getting put on the back burner for every reason in the book. I toss my toothbrush on the counter. Fuck the shower. I just wanna go back to bed but I can't because I have to go to work. My phone starts ringing and I look at it. No fucking way. MNS...is calling...me?! What? I answer and he asks if I'm ok. It's very odd to hear his voice on the other end of the phone. We've never talked on the phone before. He tells me he's very sorry he has to go see his boss but he will hurry and we plan that I will go to work and he will take care of that and we shall meet at my house at 1 pm. I hang up the phone and I'm still on the verge of messing my pants. He finally called me!! How sad is my excitement?

I go to work and come back and wait. At 1 he sends me a text and says he's still working. At 4 he sends me one that says he got screwed at work and is late to his sisters party.

SUNDAY

I don't hear much from MNS. Balls and I are fighting because I tell him I can't take this any further and I don't know what I want from him but I'm pretty sure he can't give it to me. The Marine's ex begged him back Saturday night in a fit of tears. He can't decide what to do. I tell him to keep me posted and I'll see him around.

MONDAY

MNS starts texting me bright and early saying that he is hoping he can come see me today. He "needs to" see me and misses me "so bad, you don't even know". Of course I don't know because he doesn't show up. I don't hear anything from him after lunch time and his phone is off when I try to call him at 7. Mother F'er!! Balls starts texting me and I pretty much take my MNS frustrations out on him until he feels like total crap and says he will leave me alone if that's what I really want. I fall asleep and don't answer him.

TUESDAY

MNS texts me at 6 a.m. saying he's sorry he couldn't escape yesterday and that he's hoping to get off early because of the rain. I tell him congrats but that does me no good. I still have to work if it's raining. He's hoping we can meet up over lunch. To say the least I am not stoked that my love life (or lack thereof) is dictated by a cement company and mother nature.