MNS is playing games and it's pissing me off. The last two days we had talked about getting together and I got the typical "we will see" and "depends what time I get off work" but "I would love to see you, babe" crap. Both nights around the time we had theoretically talked about meeting I called his phone to find it turned off. If you can't or don't want to see me, that's all fine and dandy but tell me that. Don't shut off your phone like a little bitch and expect me not to get mad and accept your "i'm sorry i didn't get to see you babe, babe. how is your day going?" texts the next morning. That's bullshit. I tossed and turned last night thinking about it and finally got out of bed and decided to email him and tell him just what I thought.
MNS-
i can't get you on the phone or much on text so...i'm frustrated. and as tired as you are of hearing it, i'm more tired of bringing it up. you send me these texts and emails about how you promise to make time to see me but you don't. i saw you for a total of two hours in april. TWO in an entire month. people see their eye doctors more often than that. it's gonna be two weeks again. i don't think asking for an hour a week minimum is too much. if you think it is, tell me that.
i realize things are crazy with your new promotion and no one is more excited for you than i am. but honey, i need to crack the top 200 priorities in your life. seriously. may is looking to be the same or even less than april. i know your busy season is coming up at work and softball and whatever else and i fear it is only gonna get worse. i'm trying with all my might to be understanding and patient but i need you to meet me half way. and if you say we'll see and it turns out you can't, just text me and say you can't!!!! you know that i'm understanding but do not just turn off your phone and ignore me. that is so disrespectful and rude and hurtful. i know you're not trying to be mean or ignore me. you've told me this. but it's hard not to feel that way when you do those things. actions speak much louder than words with me. we've never even talked on the phone. don't you find that a little odd? i've offered you love and support and a place to live and i drop everything if you say you have time to come see me. i've taken afternoons off work just to spend an hour with you, which as i type it, seems really pathetic. i'm not sure what else i can do to prove myself to you.
i love having fun with you and i want to continue and have more of it but you just have to work with me and communicate with me. do not just blow me off like some piece of ass, unless that is all i am to you. i'm running out of ideas of ways to talk you into seeing me and quite frankly, i shouldn't have to do that at all. i don't have the energy to keep begging you to spend time with me if you don't want to. you keep telling me to hang on and things will be great but it's getting harder and harder to believe. i won't continue to play this game with you.
So how do I think he will respond? Hell, he might be too busy to respond to something so trivial and meaningless as his girlfriend. If he does respond I'm thinking he will feed me the same bullshit lines as he always does and tell me it will be soon. But in my heart I know it won't be soon enough. Or maybe he'll finally just be honest and tell me he's not ready and will never be able to give me the time I need. One can never tell. It is a full mooon. All I know is that I am not going to spend my weekend wishing he would call or wondering what he is doing. I have better things to waste my energy on, especially since he doesn't spend any energy on me. I'm sure I'll see him around sometime.
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