Boo F-ing Hoo

IM’d with Clingy. He’s pushing to meet me. I continue to put him off. Finally returned Big Tongue’s call at lunch. He’s worried that I’m mad at him. I tell him I’ve been really busy.

MOB IM’s me in the afternoon. I had sent out a forward to a bunch of people and apparently it amused him.

MOB: that was funny. thanks for the laugh
ME: anytime. that's what i'm here for.
MOB: now you tryin to be funny. how was your week?
ME: fine? yours?
MOB: good, i've got a black eye though
ME: why do you have a black eye?
MOB: trying to protect the innocent
ME: ha! right. who was the innocent? i want details.
MOB: her names Kelly. i think she's a stripper cuz she was really cute. some guy was trying to beat her up at the gas station, come to find out it was her ex, and you know me, i just hate feminine abuse, so i walk over there just trying to calm him down so he wouldn't go to jail and he hit me, you know the rest of the story. i beat the shit out this dude till the police got there, i was really trying to stop this guy from going to jail and he hit me. so she gave me a hundred dollars and said she wants to cook dinner for me, i told her I'd think about it. that's what happened.
ME: wow. congrats, romeo. did you know her before this? sounds to me like you've got a date. "i wanna cook you dinner" is generally code for "this is a good way to get you to come over so i can have sex with you." lol. i tried that one on you before. you never took the bait.
MOB: that was my first time every seeing her. i don't remember you ever asking me over for dinner
ME: are you kidding me? you have very selective memory, my dear. anyway, nice of you to help out a damsel in distress.
MOB: if you would’ve asked me, i would’ve came
ME: whatever.
MOB: try me
ME: offer no longer stands.
MOB: really?
ME: nope.

Well, at least he’s being original in trying to make me feel bad for him now. I’ll give him an A for effort. But trying to make me jealous with that story? Again, only reiterates what an asshole he is. True story or not.