Emotional Overload

Big Tongue and Fury call. I can’t talk to them right now. I’m discombobulated.

I head to the bar for Salsa’s baby shower. Yes, a baby shower in the bar. Hold your judgment. She’s a bartender, we are her friends, it makes sense. After the gift giving and stuffing of our faces, Vagina Jane and I play some darts with Crazy James, Preach, FB and Asia.

Jas calls. I go outside so I can hear him. He sounds like he’s getting a cold. I tell him to get some rest. We don’t have to meet up tomorrow night. He needs to make sure he’s healthy. He says “After everything I’ve been through, a little cold isn’t going to stop me from seeing you.” I am uncomfortable just thinking about everything he’s been through. And as if he read my mind he says, “It’s not your fault.” I don’t believe him. “You went there because of me and I was a total bitch to you.” Again he says, “It’s not your fault. I don’t blame you.” I tell him to rest up tonight and we’ll see how he’s feeling tomorrow. I hang up and really, really hope he’s feeling better. I want to see him badly.

I go back inside with my friends but I can’t catch the vibe. I duck out early and head home, only to lie in bed for hours staring at my clock and thinking of Jas. I can't believe he wants to see me so badly. If I were him, I'd never want to see me again.