Maybe Just One Or Two

Today is Christmas with my Dad’s side of the family. It’s a bit smaller and much quieter. Also, my babies are here. My two little cousins that I helped raise from their birth until I left the state. Although they’re not really little anymore. Suddenly they’re 12 and 9, talking on their new cell phone, wearing training bras and getting their period. At twelve years old?! What? I think I was still watching Saved By The Bell when I got mine. Mom reminds me that I was only thirteen when I got mine. This feels like a very awkward conversation to be having in the kitchen as we mash potatoes. I got sit on the couch and 12 & 9 are instantly on either side of me talking a mile a minute about how much they miss me and all their boyfriends at school and how a girl in 12’s class french kissed a boy at the football game and she’s such a slut. “Did you say slut? You can’t say slut.” 12 asks why. “Because you’re twelve.” 9 giggles. “Well, she is a slut.” Wow. My phone rings. Nine says “Is that your boyfriend?” “One of them.” I tease. I look and see that it’s Big Tongue. I don’t answer. I had already missed a call from Stubby earlier. Before I can set it down it rings again. “Is that your boyfriend?” 9 asks again. I look at the caller ID. It’s Smoke. “Nope, it’s a different one.” 12’s eyes get wide. “How many do you have?” I laugh. “Only three.” 12 throws her arms around my neck. “I have three too!” These two are hilarious. I love spending time with them whenever I’m home but it breaks my heart to leave them. I want to pack them up and take them with me. And then my cousin B walks in. He is seven years younger than me and has two kids already. One is two and the other I haven’t even seen since he’s been born. But they are two of the most precious little angels I have ever laid eyes on. I play with them all day long. The youngest one falls asleep in my arms while we open presents. I kiss his little bald head and make stupid faces at him when he wakes up. Okay, grandma, maybe just one or two. But not for a long time! For now, cousins at holidays will do just fine.