Let's Make A Deal

I remember as a child watching the game show, Let’s Make A Deal. I remember thinking people were so stupid when they chose the wrong door. Always go with your gut, I thought. My mom would tell me that these people don’t know what’s behind the door so they have to make the best guess they can. I thought it was stupid. Watching from the comfort of my home I ALWAYS picked the door with the good prize. Now in life I find the choices are harder and sometimes my gut is duking it out with my heart and my head and doesn’t always win. I find myself picking the wrong door. Tonight would be no exception. And I know the people at home watching this episode will think that I’m the stupid one. Karma’s a bitch.

Enjoy a wonderful holiday dinner with Dorothy. We exchange presents and head to the bar. Preach, FB, Sassy, Asia, Freak Mama, Fort Dodge, Baby Girl, Tiny and Shy Guy are all there. Darts, dancing and drinking ensue. As always we are having a blast. Dorothy takes a call from Sam and disappears outside for a while. I talk to Shy Guy and Tiny. Tiny is being the guy I like again and Shy Guy is being a near mute again. Of course, with Tiny around, it’s hard to get a word in really.

It’s bar time. Everyone is leaving. I go outside to find Dorothy. Sam apparently has a jealous stick up his ass about something and is being an ass. He wants Dorothy to go with him so they can talk but she drove me. As they argue by his car I stand in the parking lot. Shy Guy and Tiny pull up and ask me what’s going on now. I say I’m going home to keep drinking but I’m waiting for Dorothy. They offer to give me a ride home. I tell Dorothy. I can tell she wants to talk to Sam so it’s cool. Tiny, Shy Guy and I head to my place. So here I sit in my kitchen with Tiny and Shy Guy. I’m trying to engage Shy Guy in conversation. Tiny keeps making a point to bring up fun times he and I have shared. One is sitting on my right. One is standing to my left. I feel torn between them. I don’t know why but I feel bad for Shy Guy. Tiny makes his own attention, everywhere he goes. Tonight is no different. Tiny keeps making comments to Shy Guy that he’ll run him home whenever he gets tired. I don’t want Shy Guy to go home. I’m trying to get to know him. Something about him intrigues me. On the other hand, there’s something about Tiny that I adore. Even though he’s an arrogant prick most of the time, I love the sensitive guy he’s hiding underneath that I have caught glimpses of. I give them the tour of the house. In my bedroom Tiny dances in front of my wall of mirrors. He’s such a spaz. Shy Guy looks at the pictures on the wall above my bed. “Hey Tiny, check it out.”

Tiny comes over to investigate. “Well, isn’t that sweet.” They both laugh. Shy Guy says “Fuck MOB, man”. For an instant I feel embarrassed. I don’t want Shy Guy to think less of me because I was retarded enough to go out with a jackhole like MOB. I tell them it’s time to finish the rest of the tour, knowing that the three of us hanging out in my bedroom could only lead to serious trouble.

We wind up back downstairs shooting the shit. Tiny again reminds Shy Guy that he can run him home at any time. Tiny goes to the bathroom. I look at Shy Guy and ask him if he has a curfew or something. He says no. “Then why is Tiny in such a hurry to get you home?” Shy Guy thinks it’s because he wants to be alone with me. I tell Shy Guy it’s not like that and he is more than welcome to stay as late as he wants. He has a great smile. Tiny comes out and asks Shy Guy if he’s ready to go. Before Shy Guy can answer Tiny tells me he’ll be right back.

Suddenly I’m in a Little Bo-Peep outfit, standing in front of my three doors.
Door #1-Let Tiny take Shy Guy home and hang out with him when he comes back.
Door #2-Tell Tiny to leave and not come back while Shy Guy can stay.
Door #3-Tell Tiny to chill out and all continue to hang together.

The crowd is screaming in the background. I hear all the numbers being shouted. Monty is staring at me for an answer. I don’t want to get a zonk. I really don’t. I want the big prize. I want to be a winner “Three!! One!! Two!! Two!!” I hear the crowd shout. “Go with your gut!” I wish there was a Door #4.

I look at Tiny and Shy Guy. Shy Guy smiles and gives me a hug. He thanks me for letting him hang out and for the drink. I want him to ask me for my phone number but he doesn’t. Tiny smiles as they walk out the door. “I”ll be back in a minute.”

I grab my drink and head to the couch, allowing myself to be sucked into the world of late night videos on BET. Tiny returns alone in a few minutes and takes a seat next to me. We decide that uncut just means unlimited booty shots. The Tiny that returns is the Tiny I hoped for. Laidback, sweet, funny. We talk until nearly 4 AM. Sometimes I think Tiny just needs to hang out with me because I’ll let him be himself. In fact, I hate the persona he puts on in front of everyone else and he knows it. He also knows I have to work in a few hours and tells me to go up and get some rest. He’s planning to cash out on the couch. I tell him he’s welcome to stay in my room. I don’t mean this in a hanky-panky way and he knows that too. Sometimes it’s nice just to have someone next to you.

I put on my pajamas and crawl into bed. He crawls in, fully clothed. We lie in silence for a minute but soon starting jabbering again. I have my head on his chest and my hand on his stomach. His is around my shoulder. He strokes my hair. We stop talking. I ask them why they call him Tiny. He says it’s not because of what I’m thinking. I laugh. I can tell through his jeans that’s not the reason. He tells me he can prove it. He takes it out. My jaw drops. It’s huge. You would never guess this guy was packing dick like this. I have to touch it. Not in a hot and horny sort of way but an inquiring minds want to know type of way. Here’s the weird thing, as much as I had thought about being with Tiny in the past, it was not even crossing my mind at the time. I was not in the least bit horny but I was very intrigued. It may have been the most perfect penis I had ever seen. Large, smooth, trimmed…it was pretty. Tiny had a pretty penis. I wanted to wrap it in a bow and send it to every woman I knew.

Suddenly, my cell phone starts blaring from my nightstand. I roll over and see that it’s Gloves. I know he’s just getting back to town and wants to see me. I let it go to voicemail. I lie down with my back to Tiny and drape his arm around me. I don’t feel like I should look at his penis anymore as my phone alerts me I have a message from Gloves. We drift off to sleep at 5 AM.
My alarm wakes me at 7 AM. I walk Tiny downstairs before I start getting ready for work. He gives me a hug and thanks me for letting him stay. He tells me to call him later. I tell him I will. “I’m serious. Call me.” I tell him again that I will. “Have fun at work.” And with that he’s gone. And I don't know how I'll ever call him Tiny with a straight face again.

I check my voicemail from Gloves. As I thought he had just gotten back to town. He wishes I would’ve answered my phone. He really wanted to talk to me. I suddenly feel dirty and have to jump in the shower.