No Birth Control Like The Holidays

My mother’s side of the family comes over to our house for Christmas. This may sound fun for some but it’s not. Don’t get me wrong; there are a couple relatives on this side that I really adore. But there are also a couple crazies I try to avoid like fucking malaria. Also, this family is big. Really big. My mom has six brothers and one sister. All of which have at least 2-4 offspring of their own. This makes for a lot of kids under the age of 15 running and screaming through the house. Whining, coughing, snot dripping down their noses, begging to open presents, pulling hair, teasing each other little kids that have never learned to use their inside voices. My headache is almost instant and when my grandma asks me when I’m going to have kids of my own I nearly throw up at her feet. I glance around the room at the kids and then back at her. “If I’m lucky, never.” I don’t think Grandma or mom liked that answer much.