Sticky Situation

FRIDAY
Friday is a doozy. It's not only Friday the 13th but it just starts off very badly. I find myself in a very bad situation that could have terrible ramifications. To be honest, I fear it could cost me MNS. I know I have to tell him what is going on, or what is potentially going on, but I have no idea how he will react. This could be the end of the road for us. I'm fully aware of this but my stupid honesty and guilt will not let me avoid the sticky situation and I just have to lay it out there for him.


I throw it out and wait for his response. He is sweet and worried and doesn't run like I feared he might. He asks "what do we do?" to fix the problem. I tell him I was scared he would hate me. I says he doesn't hate me and couldn't ever hate me. He says it everything will be ok and we will be fine. I am glad for this and I believe him. Not only because I want to believe him but because he is sincere and convincing. We message for awhile. He tells me his phone is off because he's out of minutes. I'm sad because I know I won't be able to talk to him much or see him this weekend. I could sure use a hug from him right about now.

I give Q his final notice. If he ever contacts me again I will rip his nuts off and shove them in his ears. I tell him I hate him and he needs to disappear forever.

SATURDAY
I try calling MNS's phone in the late morning. It's off. I decide to send him an email. It's not mean, it's just to the point. I ask if his phone is going to be off all weekend and next week too. He emails me back while I'm at lunch with the ladies and says "No it is not going to be off next week. I am out of minutes but I will get it back on soon. Regardless of what you may think I do like talking to you. I will get it back on babe." At first I am pissed off because it seems that he is coping an attitude with me. Yommey tells me that I am over-analyzing. I write him back and tell him I wasn't trying to be a bitch. I was honestly just wondering when it would be back on. I don't hear anything else from him on Saturday. Is it my fault I miss the stupid guy? Ugh. Probably.


I spend the night drinking wine with Fair and Yommey and bitching about men. Well, I do most of the bitching and they listen and laugh at me. Mason and Mob are both texting me. Mob is at the annual block party. I so wish I was there with him. He does too and makes some very explicit suggestions as to how it would go down if I was there with him. Oh, how right he is. Too bad it can't go down like that. I tell him I love him too but I need sleep. Before I pass out I try calling Rock. He doesn't answer. This is one of those nights that no matter how many of the "pocket boys" I talk to, I'm just going to feel so fricking alone because I can't be by MNS. I email him and tell him I'm going to go to bed and I wish he was there with me. I even add a sigh, a sad face and...someday, for a little extra guilt. He should know it hurts me to wait. It hurts more than I want to admit most days.

SUNDAY
No word from any boys. Well, Mason, but he doesn't count. I have a great day with Fair, Yommey and the mini. Get some things done for myself that I had been putting off. All in all, pretty stellar. I can't get my brain to turn off though when it's time for sleep. I toss and turn all night long thinking of MNS.


I find myself in an odd place with him. I can't complain because I knew what I was signing up for the first day he came to my house and I saw the ring. And really, the last month he has been really great about talking to me every day, multiple times and ways. This is leaps and bounds from where we were last year when he would disappear for weeks at a time. Not that he couldn't do that again but I have a hunch that he won't. He doesn't need to. His secret is out and I'm still here and he has no reason to keep hiding when things get too deep. The problem is my greed. Now that I've had him in my bed and next to me I want him like that all the time. I want to be able to call him whenever I want and have him answer the phone. I want to go watch him play softball and meet his buddies and be the only woman in his life. I don't want to share him. I don't want to sneak around. I don't want to wait but I have to wait and I can't have him like that yet. It pretty much blows. I'm not expecting your sympathy. The situation is too twisted to ask for that. Rather, I'm just venting because I'm selfish and greedy.


MONDAY
A few emails with MNS. Nothing groundbreaking. He's swamped at work but wanted to say hi and see how my day was going. He'll be in training the rest of the week so if he doesn't get minutes on his phone I won't hear from him at all because he won't have internet access. I ever so gently remind him of this and that I would appreciate if he got some minutes. We will see if he comes through on that. If not, I guess it will be a lonely week for both of us. Although I'm guessing it's harder on me than it is on him since I'm some silly smitten kitten these days and am like a fiend for his touch and attention. I don't hear from him much after 12:30. I know it's going to be a quiet week and it pisses me off. And the worst part is, I know why, which makes me pretty angry at him.